Will this ever end? When on earth will the Indian Women Really Get Empowered?

She has hidden her scars from me

Until I asked her why she hasn’t gone for her Pilates session

A fitness enthusiast that she is 

No one can stop her from her regime

I have always adored her for her skills 

A highly educated woman

With her head firm on her shoulders 

That day she tried to avoid me for hours

Then reluctantly she showed me how badly she was hurt 

I was aghast to see her bruises 

Those blood-red scars that looked brutal

I asked her the cause and she replied after a long pause 

These were the results of the domestic abuse 

She has now got used to 

Unfortunately, it never occurred to me, a woman of her stature

Can silently face this too

She was pushed and battered in front of her children 

More than the physical torture

Her soul got perennially wounded 

Seeing her four-year-old wipe her tears through 

She has always told me though 

That she has had a meaningless marriage 

The only strand that held it together 

Were her precious little boy and her girl 

I fail to fathom what every day she underwent 

Living right under the nose of a moody paranoid 

What deep lasting impact will these fights 

Cause on the impressionable little children 

It broke my heart to see her vulnerable side

And I had a sleepless night

My eyes were red with fury while she wept quietly

I was unable to bear my friend’s agony 

I screamed at her to walk out of such a scornful marriage 

As she is doing very well financially 

Came the answer I am hearing for the nth time

I want to continue for the two little loves of my life

She doesn’t want to deprive them of their father’s love

The same crap I have been listening for years 

I have come across so many wonderful women with battered souls 

Staying under the same roof for this reason 

My love why don’t you realize, I wish to advice 

This is the fact of which you are taken advantage of

Get up please take charge of your own life 

Don’t let an inhuman beast batter tatter your soul 

You become the weaker sex because you are made to believe so

Give them back as hard as you can, the first time they hit you

Anyways your marriage got over when you were first slapped

Because the foundation of a strong marriage, mutual respect, that day died 

Please take charge of our life

Please don’t bear it for your little ones 

Otherwise, they too will learn the wrong things 

For them trust me, you have to move in the right direction 

Summon up all your courage my love 

You have the power to weave your nest the way you want 

You have the power, believe in yourself 

Get up and give him back what he deserves

He needs to understand his folly 

He needs to be punished for his inhuman acts 

He needs to be denied apology forever 

And you need to ride from the ashes like a Phoenix 

He hurt you because you allowed him to

He forayed into your brain and played havoc because you allowed him to

He needs to know he has rampaged your heart 

For which no punishment is good enough

Always remember one thing, my love, 

You are abused only when you allow them to

Deny them that upper hand

You alone can give them the most befitting punishment

Deprive them of their family forever

Weave for yourself and your children a peaceful world 

Until they learn a befitting lesson, they won’t mend their ways 

And if they can’t, they better stay away!

If you like what I write, you can grab the copies of my five published ebooks here: The Fragrance of True Love, Destiny's Favorite Child, Dare to Defy The Destiny, Empowered Women Empower Women and Soulful Letters On COVID, for my Future Grandchild

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Some Wounds Never Heal (Food For Thought Series Vol 6)

"I am sorry dad I will not be able to forgive you in this lifetime. For all your love for me, for making me your princess, though I will remain indebted. But for that one grave mistake of yours which stole away mom from me, I will not be able to forgive you. I try hard every time, even take a step towards you but my inner voice pulls me back. Why did you do this dad?"

Dear Readers, bringing to you a true tale of a wonderful person Shweta, who continues penning below, her last letter to her dad.

"Do you remember those days when me, lucky, mum and you lived a dream like perfect life with our two pups? How happy were we..my eyes still get moist with the ecstatic joy of those precious moments when you went on long walks or gardening with me always tucked with you. My heart use to swell with pride when you spoke about my achievements among family and friends though I knew all that was because of the brilliant genes I have inherited from you. You were my handsome dad, my Hero.

Remember how we both used to hoot at gorgeous mamma clad in your favorite yellow sari and our shopping sprees together. You always bought us the world and gave us a wonderful childhood dad. I always thought you loved mom dearly though you two were poles apart from each other in almost everything but I thought that's what attracted you to each other.

Remember our home sweet home you and mom so lovingly christened ASHIANA, how it made up for our perfect abode. You guys weaved our nest with so much love then dad why did you let it fall apart. Just a mere attraction to another girl made you ditch the woman who lived only for you and who always  gave up all her desires do that all three of us can fulfill ours. This was not what mum deserved for all her goodness. 

No words can describe the agony and mental trauma she faced for the rest of her life which killed her gradually and forced her to die an unnatural death at such a young age. While you were busy in your new love interest she embraced silence so that your respect is not ruined. She was punished for an offense she didn't commit and she willingly accepted it all so that her children are not called children of a broken family.

While she gave up her job as a professor because you wanted her to take care of me, it was a pity in the later life she has to bear the ignominy of continuing with a unfaithful man so that her young ones can complete her education.

Why did you do that dad? Why my hero abandoned us on the path of life? With time I have given myself several excuses in your favour like you had no control over the events but somehow unfortunately my heart could not accept any of them. There is no excuse for my mom's death including my repentance for not pushing her harder to break free.

So please stop making failed attempts to talk to me or get me back into your life. I shall not be able to forgive you in this lifetime. Some wounds never heal, dad!

                                                                                                    

                                                              -Its Me Shweta" 

The plight of the families broken by extra marital affairs is often heart wrenching. More often than not the first wife fails to walk out of her failed marriage due to social stigma or financial dependence on the spouse. It's high time they break the inertia and walk out and be an example to million other. Wish Shweta could save her mother....and would have been a face of change.

          This post is also linked to UBC and Daily Chatter

Have you Read our earlier post in this series:

· When the negative energy around her breaks her down, what course must Radhika Take?

· You Don't Love Me Mom

· Confessions of an Unapologetic Mom

· Indian Alice in Wonderland
 Dear Aaji, I miss you and your Golden Talisman
 Some Wounds Never Heal 

Its Ok For Me Not Being a Dad : #InfertilityNotATaboo

Though I have never been asked to express nor held accountable for all the trauma me and my beautiful wife have been harshly subjected to for the last decade and a half, I choose to break my silence today for two big reasons. One in the mad race and infinite failed attempts to bear a child I fear to loose my precious half forever whom I see sinking and dying a slow death each moment and second I don't want other childless couples to struggle and ruin their happy married life due to a medical condition called infertility which is more often than not, curable.

I am Shashank and I married the love of the life sixteen years ago with everyone's blessings. Life was a bed or roses for us as Sudeepa is a wonderful human being and we complimented each other perfectly in everything. While I always flooded her with great books as I knew they meant the world to her, she picked the best crotons for me always, for my love of gardening. Our strong bond based on mutual care and respect with time only grew stronger.

Life was almost a dream until we discovered that even after trying for a while, our wait for the little prince or princess in our family was taking inevitably long. In our deep love for each other, we took the situation in our stride and decided to wait for a little more time. But the pressure from the society and near and dear ones kept building hard less on me and more on Sudeepa until one day she burst into painful cries and confine herself in the house to escape the heart-wrenching remarks hurled at her. I felt her pain deep in my heart wondering why the taunts were only meant for her for all of us were an educated lot and understood it very clearly that the reason could be with either of us.

Earnestly speaking, I too wanted to be a dad and hold my bundle of joy in my arms and kiss her/him but traumatising, subjecting the person who made my life beautiful to cruel remarks or holding her responsible for not fulfilling my desire was the last thing on my mind ever. We have promised to be with each other through life's thick and thin then how can I abandon her during this crisis, the thought itself was vague. If at all there was a crisis it was for both of us alike. Sorting things in my mind, I persuaded her that we will seek medical intervention and all should be fine and even if it doesn't , our love was enough for each other, in this lifetime. During all these times no anxiety for being a dad built in in me and all I cared was for an absolute wellbeing of my spouse. Crying for someone who is not there and for him/her loosing the person who means the world to you, didn't make any sense to me.

Series of medical tests revealed we had decent chances of becoming parents and the news left us super-elated, undoubtedly,beyond compare. While we patiently waited the only thing that created discomfort is the repetitive phone calls and piercing eyes questioning unendingly if there was a news. Even worst were the superstitious advice that were served to us three times a day. Consequently, we stopped going out and built a web around us in a failed attempt to shield us from the social stigma. Words fail me to describe how I felt when my nearest relatives invited me to their ceremonies but never forgot to mention to come alone. Must I say friends were a little better off though, but at that moment sympathy was the last thing we sought for.

In next 7 years, Sudeepa conceived four times but unfortunately each time there was a miscarriage. She buried the pain deep in her heart and still tried to smile so that I don't feel sad. Deep in my heart, I saluted her inner strength but her tear-filled eyes expressed it all. The series of incidences and the societal pressures have broken her and crushed her identity infinite times each day and. Why they didn't do it to me? Is she not a women if she's not a mother? Did I care a pence if she can't bear my baby? Will that diminish my eternal love for her? 

Once and for all that day I decided to end our perennial trauma. I just wanted her to be fine, get back to her books and laughter and thus one day I poured my heart out to her.

" It's ok for me not being a dad but it's not ok for me to be a non-caring husband whose wife is sad. You mean the world to me, my love and are the centre of all my happiness. Embrace life once again for me, please. Let us get back to our perfectly happy life!"

Today she is recovering and back home with me. We smile, we giggle at our silly jokes; while I read out her favourite books aloud, she waters my crotons. I am hell bent to get my old Sudeepa back and I trust we are on the right track.

                                           -Penned by A Man who's not a dad

                                                 but is perfectly happy

( Fictional Adaptation of a dear friend's true tale)

This blog is to #SpreadAwareness about Infertility through Infertility Dost, India’s first website that facilitates couples to brave infertility with support and knowledge. You can find other links  on Write Tribe.

This post is also linked to UBC and Daily Chatter

Dear Aajii, I Miss you and Your Golden Talisman For Life... (Food For Thought Series Vol-5)

There is no love like the love of Grandparents

It was 3:35 a.m. in the morn when I felt my cell vibrating under my pillow. It was from dad and at this odd hour, it made my heart pound several times faster. Myriad fears flashed across my brain and heart in a flash of a second as I connected the call. My worst fear had come true. Aajii has left us forever to rest in the heavenly abode. 

My heart wept in silent tears of extreme pain for I felt with her has gone my Golden Talisman which gave me the courage to deal with life's most painful throwbacks. I felt lifeless  and collapsed on the floor. I have always been my Aajii's Princess and her love and guidance meant the world to me. For the past fortnight, I have been continuously dreaming about her inviting me to come over to meet her and I am so filled with remorse today. I have been so engrossed in fighting my own life that  I could not understand the hints that my Aajii was going away. I now so much wanted to see her for one last time.

I was scared though how Praharsh would take all this and not break into another fit of violence over me and my two little sons. However my fragile heart overcame his fear and woke him up to book the tickets.Unpredictable as always, this time he didn't choose to hit me or push me away. Instead he went out,  so I woke my little children  up and quickly packed a set of clothes. I was adamant to pay my last tributes to the most important person in my life.

 He quickly came back and gave me the flight ticket to Kolkata but it was only for me. I questioned back that at least our 3 year old younger one must go with me as he is very tiny. But he replied back that only I can go and he is not sure that when I return, I shall find my little boy alive. I was aghast at his reply. Like always he had again battered  my soul through his painful satirical words and ways which lacked reason.

Thirteen years I have bore all this mental trauma all because I could not conceive my own child and when it was revealed that it was not on account of a problem in me but a medical condition with my hubby, he restored to violence to prove his superiority which instead threw naked all his weaknesses. For me his infertility never really mattered as  it can like any other disease be cured or alternatives could be worked out. No matter how many times I told him this, he never really understood my love. Had he not taken to his ego, we were perhaps the happiest couple in town. He being the only child of his parents whom he lost in a road accident, some years ago, aided in further turning him a recluse. Things started to  turn really ugly between us and the love and the bonding started vanishing no matter how hard I tried for he mistook my love for him as my sympathy.

 It was my Aajii and my parents with whose intervention we both reconciled and with God's Grace both our sonnies were born hale and hearty through artificial insemination. Hoping against hopes, I expected time to heal his wounds but he kept pricking them and also my heart. I always loved him so much that leaving him was out of question even if till now it meant me and my children being loved or hated at his whims and fancies.

 Also because my Aajii taught me that love is the best medicine and patience is our strongest weapon that I kept hanging on... I have always obeyed her and if today it meant not being able to see her one last time, I accepted it. It was essential for the safety of my children. I called up and informed my parents, that I will not be able to come when dad told me that Aajii has asked him to courier her last letter to me. Tears rolled down my eyes, my dreams have indicated me everything that was true. I waited wholeheartedly for my treasure to arrive and at 7 in the evening it did arrive with my Aajii's pearls of wisdom: 

 "Nimmi Bitiya , please don't cry, bury all your tears in your heart and use their fire to make you rise from their ashes against all odds. If love and patience don't work, use the power of your education to rewrite your destiny and rise above everyone and everything that brings you misery......" 

 As I was reading, someone snatched the piece of paper from my hands and tore it to pieces. It was he again and his eyes burnt red with anger as he started yelling on me for not entrusting the children with him. His abuses gradually turned into hitting me and in a fit of anger he jumped on the kiddos throwing them against the wall one by one.

 As my little ones bled, I decided to put an end to all this once and for all deriving power from my Aajii's Golden Talisman, her last letter which I could not even read fully.At about 11 p.m. that fateful night, my husband skid in sleep and I picked up my kids and reached the nearby police station and registered a complaint against him in presence of my two friends.

 He was picked up by the police next morn and our house was given to me and my kids to live while he was ordered to stay in a P.G. or elsewhere but not with us. It has been 2 years from them and I have often seen me standing outside our house, quietly peeping and occasionally seeking forgiveness through his moist eyes. But can I ever forgive him ??? Will you ever??

 Umpteen questions run down my brain.. Though I am now financially independent should I get back to him? What if he has not really changed ? Or am I penalising him even after improving ? Do my kids need their dad?

I try my best to forgive but have not still,

the scars on my soul are so deep...

Nevertheless, the fact is that I still love him

Dear Aajii, with your Golden Talisman for life, please guide me...

This is the true story of a dear friend who wrote to me sometime back. Please do write to us what would you have done in such a situation?

Have you Read our earlier post in this series:

· When the negative energy around her breaks her down, what course must Radhika Take?

· You Don't Love Me Mom

· Confessions of an Unapologetic Mom

· Indian Alice in Wonderland

I refuse to prove myself to the world anymore

When I was born a female child 

I was gifted with the silent onus of proving to the world that giving birth to a girl was not my mom's crime

The first realization of my childhood

Was to prove to the world I was a girl good

It was not ok for me to soil my clothes

Or scatter my toys when sometimes, to play, I chose

In just a few years, my little brother was born 

I have to now prove to them, what a good sister I was, everyone warned

At that tender age, I probably didn't understand what proving oneself meant 

But gently yet responsibly I held his little finger, everywhere I went 

I grew up a little and the adolescent me 

Was asked not to mingle with boys as what everyone will say in the society 

I did exactly and mended a little girl's ways carefree 

To prove to them that for me nothing is more important than the respect of my family

At thirteen, puberty arrived depriving me forever of my status of being a child 

I accepted it well, proving to the world I was now a person matured

I completed my education with admirable grades

Proving to the world the money spent on me was not wasted

Though finding a dream job was a cake walk 

I have to prove at every step of my professional journey, to my male colleagues, that my skill was at par with theirs

Eyebrows again raised when with my love, I tied knot 

After umpteen years of successful marriage, today I prove to them love marriages too last 

With no support system at home,  when my little baby entered the world

I have to prove my motherhood by giving up all my dreams and ambitions

I did it all and for everyone around

Without a single complaint or sound 

But the world is still not satisfied

They crush my identity each day with pride

After standing strong on the testimonies of time 

And proving myself time and again 

I am now tired of this Proving Myself game 

Ending this perennial dilemma once and for all, I refuse to prove myself to the world anymore.

Please don't Judge me ,

I am what I am!
  
                                    ~An Indian Woman

'Today on World Gratitude day, ironically though, I express my gratitude to the Indian women who continue to prove themselves from birth until death and are yet not able to satiate everyone around. Pardon me for my contradictory thoughts today, but I really wanted to bring this one up.'

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