Tuesday, 12 November 2019

5 Reasons which transform a heart full of gratitude in an asset

A gratitude post for umpteen reasons has been doing rounds to my mind frequently for the past few days and though I have not been able to write, I have been contemplating it for a while now. So today I thought is the day because counting your blessings often gives you a high in otherwise not so congenial times and I have always done that to keep my happiness and sanity alive. May be it rubs on you and spread a positive vibe, my solemn aim here😊.

So, I am very grateful today because:

1. I am able to practice what I have preached: You would recall that I had been penning a mindfulness meditation series post my endometriosis surgery. This meditation has helped me immensely for years and so I had shared the same with all of you. But the recent relocation has subjected me to a lot of indiscipline and I had not meditated for over a month. Yesterday I stumbled upon these pieces while scrolling through my Instagram feed and I immediately got back to it. I began meditation and today I resumed my morning walks here in Delhi too. Felt good that my own articles inspired me to get back the rhythm of my life. Will you believe if I tell you that today morn when I meditated I saw my bestie sitting under our favourite tree with me and that’s when she pinged me to say she is sitting under that tree and missing me. That’s the kind of connect I experience with my inner self upon meditating and can I be any less grateful.

2. The sun shines the brightest after the darkest night: It seems I will be able to resume my career soon and join my husband’s entrepreneurial venture. Glad an experienced automobile engineer won’t be wasted anymore. Many years of experience can now be put to our own use if the need be. Keeping my finger crossed and giving S all the support he needs as of now satiates me and keeps me merry. I am grateful to the Almighty that he has made me the custodian of his dreams.

3. Your oldest best friends are gold: Instead of cribbing about having left most of my best friends in Pune, I have carried some of them in a carton here and spend a lot of time with them, yes they are my books. I am curating a personal library these days in my home.. a very personal corner of mine where I can read and write in my own creative space. I am a very happy and content person even if I can read one hour a day, it makes me feel light and all smiles. I often discuss the gists and lessons of my books with my family inspiring them to read as well. No wonder my sonny is a bigger bibliophile than I am. Again big reasons for feeling grateful for.

4. I am able to devote quality time to family: Shifting from Pune has reduced the number of sessions I am taking in my academy thus I am able to focus more on family and give A the right guidance and time he deserves at this tender age. This break is vital for both of us. I understand he will soon outgrow my arms and so I want to steal as many moments with him as possible. This doesn’t mean I have a lesser vision for my academy, it shall see some stringent goals soon too. The online sessions will never cease to take place at the designated time. The women empowerment related batches will continue to be free.

5. I am able to revisit a lot of memories: I have written before how I came to Delhi as a new bride and it embraced me with open arms. Coming back to the same city after eight long years and visiting so many places with which we have fond memories associated with, is beautiful. Though we are trying to be mostly indoors due to pollution level being hazardous here at the moment but whenever we cross such a place, I feel a soft tickle of happiness in my heart as if I have known these streets forever and I giggle in joy. Am so grateful for it.

6. I am able to realign with my dreams and goals in life: There comes a point in each one’s life where he or she wishes to sit and retrospect what he or she has done right or wrong so far and from here on what are their dreams and goals. This is extremely vital and important. Need I say this is the best time I can do so, before hitting 40 in a few years, I want to make sure what else I wish to do in my life and make a foolproof sure shot plan to fulfil the wishes. Some parallel life goals like world travel which subsided for some years need to come up strongly too. I am the kind of parent who wishes to pass on to my progeny, not millions of wealth but loads of wisdom acquired through experience, one by globe trotting and other by embracing the world of books. Aligning his studies with these goals appropriately is no less a humongous task especially when I love to groom him myself. I wish to stay on the right path and need meticulous planning to the tee. Grateful that I now have some time for the same and also to plan my 5th book, if at all that has to see the light of the day.

I am glad I wrote this post today for it gives me the inspiration to set my next year's goals more explicitly and that should perhaps be the next time, I will be writing to you.

One more thing, I want you to embrace this practice or at least try it once if you feel it’s worthwhile, whenever you feel low. Take a piece of paper and pen and write down five things you are more grateful for that day and suddenly you will realise how blessed you are. All the sadness and sulking will thus diffuse away, giving way to the aroma of hope and faith. That’s what I have preached and practised for decades and is a magical talisman which has always worked for me. A heart full of gratitude undoubtedly is your biggest asset, it will show you the path of optimism always no matter how tough gets the going!

Truly Yours Roma

If you like what I write, you can grab the copies of my four published books here: The Fragrance of True LoveDestiny's Favorite ChildDare to Defy The Destiny and Empowered Women Empower Women

Wednesday, 6 November 2019

5 Reasons why books are the best companions one can look for?

Have you ever felt lonely coming back to one of your own cities? A city where who have worked and lived for years...A city to which you can never be a stranger yet you feel strange coming back here after eight long years. It is difficult to sum up the emotions but one month gone I still am not back to my usual self. Don’t know why am not able to embrace Delhi easily this time. I feel unsafe when S travels, hiring a new house help gives me goosebumps and have not devoured my vicinities at all so far quite unlike the usual me. The reason may be the onslaught on health due to shifting, then travelling to hometown for Diwali and now the SMOG warning but yes I admit I am yet to get in my groove. But this post is not about this rant but about my best companions yet again amidst all the turmoil that have kept me beautifully charged and smiling throughout, no points for guessing they are my books. I love rather live to read and while I have left all my stuff behind at my Pune Home , I have carried with me all my books. So the old treasure has been dug and with immense pleasure I am soaking in these gorgeously smelling priceless possessions of mine, coming out of the cartons gradually into their new home and can I be thankful enough to them for being my perennial companions through thick or thin for decades now. Some of them are as old as when I was in class three-four and were gifted to me by my teacher, can there be anything more precious than them?

Only yesterday I have been telling my child that we are not rich when we have abundance of monetary wealth but we are rich when we have abundance of wealth of wisdom which can be acquired in only two ways, in my opinion, one when we travel across the world and gain it by our own experience which is not possible for all and the second is when we read good books which each and everyone can afford.

Thus today I thought of quickly enumerating to you five vital reasons why books can be the best companions one can look for?

1. A Reader can never be lonely: A worthy book transports you to your protagonist’s world and you live it delving in multiple seas of emotion or reason or fantasy depending on the genre you love. You befriend some characters, despise others, anticipate what may happen and thus rejoice in the author’s weave. In my home, books are our best friends. This was taught to me by my parents and I have passed on the same legacy to my kid. Dad’s frequent transfers made me befriend these and now they are my magic wand to ward off my loneliness in a new land. Also when I travelled to different countries for work, they never left me for a moment. Reading and writing are the two gifts I am extremely grateful for. It is equally beautiful being able to weave your emotions in words. The more you read the better gets your writing too and these two are my biggest passions.

2. Oceans of knowledge: When we read a book we read about a setting which is set in a country mostly for away from us and as we suck in the delightful tale we also absorb the culture, the language, the behaviour and several other things about it. Isn’t that so wonderful to experience it all just amidst a few pages. Indeed books are treasure.

3. Enrich your personality: When you become a voracious reader you get the realisation how minuscule we are in the whole universe. We embrace humility and crave to enrich ourselves with wise man habits and the desired skill set. The more you read the more you understand the complexities of human existence thus you become more and more capable of expressing yourself on a random topic in front of a strange crowd.

4. Help you evolve:  Books help you evolve in a well read human being. They can also be the starting point of several lifetime relationships as in my case. I say read all genres. It helps you frame your choice and eventually pick the one you love the most. I even switch genres sometimes to let my brain move out of it’s comfort zone. Also I am old school when books are concerned. I would recommend children read hard copies of books with no pressure on their eyes with screen time. I still buy hard copies and that’s my favourite task at airports or malls.

5. Bring in judgement of right or wrong: Another hidden advantage of reading is when you read how a good character behaves and how a bad one acts and on the end good wins over evil, we form our judgement and the good habits seep in silently yet strongly in our character.

Aren’t these enough reasons to make these little precious wonders a family member forever. Trust me when I say that there can’t be a better companion than our books and I really mean it. So when are you picking your next?

Truly Yours Roma

If you like what I write, you can grab the copies of my four published books here: The Fragrance of True LoveDestiny's Favorite ChildDare to Defy The Destiny and Empowered Women Empower Women

Thursday, 31 October 2019

Ideal Parenting: Where are we missing the boat?

It is not very often that I write on parenting and that’s because I believe like every kid is unique, every parenting style is unique too, which also evolves day by day. There is nothing black or white in it, we make mistakes and then correct it to our ability best to again get into a new goof up which we try to sort again. That’s what motherhood has been so far for me as I lost my mum before my kid was born and I don’t have any elder sister to guide me either. My only guide so far has been my instinct which is fiercely strong and the mommies of the kids in my academy who often leave me pondering over their worthy or inappropriate decisions. 

Parenting for me is thus an amalgamation of various avatars a mom takes to make her progeny, honest, truthful, happy and successful in life but sometimes my notions are shaken by some facts I see around me.

So I met Diya last May for the first time, a very cute and skinny eleven year old in a Public Speaking Express Summer Camp I was conducting, though her mother was keen on a creative writing workshop but I had no slots vacant at that time so I promised to assist her a little after the summer camp sessions. They were in Pune for a short time during the summer break. The little girl was always the first to arrive for class but lacked energy, assuming this might be one of the not so energetic days I let few days pass but always found the child very drowsy. She told me that she is having fever for the past few days so I asked her to take a day off but when she returned she was still lethargic and I could not take it any more. 

I made her stay after the camp and sat discussing with her over some cookies and laughter but she kept looking at the watch as she was to attend the Robotics sessions in next ten minutes followed by Taekwondo class. In the morn too she has attended Kathak and kuchipudi dance classes before coming straight to me from there. Gosh! Now I knew the reason the child was plain tired thus often appeared disinterested in my sessions and I am sure the same thing works have happened to her in other classes too. Under tremendous pressure to learn each and everything she forgot to live her carefree childhood and priceless giggle and chatter and that broke my heart.  From that day I allowed her to play around in my class without the least pressure and one day to my surprise during the free play on microphones she sang a beautiful song she has composed but asked me not to tell her mom as then she will have to go to singing class too. I was aghast. 

In the coming week, I met her mom who came with a toddler tucked in, after multiple reminders. I diplomatically tried to imbibe her brain that flooding the child with classes from morn till night will do more harm than good to her but pat came her reply that her daughter is a prodigy and what an ideal parent can do the best is to aid her nurture different forms of art and later acquire finesse in whatever she could do perfectly. Also she stated that her daughter pretends that she is tired while actually she is not. She was adamant on her definition of ideal parenting and I could only customise it to the level that she agreed to give her breathers in between after giving her a million contentions. 

After she left I kept thinking whether this really is ideal parenting? Where are we missing the boat? She and her husband have even given up watching T.V. so that they can help their kids inch towards their dreams. But whose dreams are these ? Of the parents or of the kids? Then we say kids these days lack innocence but the fact is we have murdered their innocence. Enrolling our kids in every class under the sun is not ideal parenting, in my eyes, it is more of a means to flaunt yourself in your social arena, this isn’t social parity. After an 8 hrs crazy school schedule it is criminal to send them to umpteen classes one after the other. For me ideal parenting thus is to give the kid lots of time and free space so that over a period of time, he himself can evaluate which hobby or vocation he really excels at and finds keen interest in and thus gets trained in it. Ideal parenting is giving your kids wings to make his own decisions, guiding them if they are wrong, accept them if their decision is out of your comfort zone if you think it is vital to their growth. Your support, your trust in them will strengthen their inner values more than any number of classes they attend through out the day. 

Having said this I still believe like every child Is different and unique so is every parent and so is their parenting style best known to them for the little piece of their heart but the only point I wish to make in this article is do what is also enjoyable by your kiddo and not because your neighbour’s daughter is doing it. 

Truly Yours Roma

If you like what I write, you can grab the copies of my four published books here: The Fragrance of True LoveDestiny's Favorite ChildDare to Defy The Destiny and Empowered Women Empower Women

Friday, 18 October 2019

Karvachauth for a Modern Day Indian Woman

Had a beautiful and memorable Karvachauth yesterday. I managed really well without a drop of water after Wednesday night until I broke my fast by 9:30 p.m. yesterday i.e. Thursday. I doubted myself if after the recent endometriosis surgery I will be able to pull it off with panache or not plus I am on antibiotics for throat infection and fever.. but I am glad and elated I did really well. I guess the will power helped and the unconditional support and love of the spouse. I felt proud of the inner strength I possess. 

To begin with I am not a person who fasts any more apart from three compulsory ones in a year two for the long life of the spouse and one for the progeny( because I don’t like to call it a fast for sons as it is traditionally perceived). I do them to my ability best each year without an iota of guilt as per my body and mind agreements. Of the three I don’t know why, Karvachauth has always been my favourite one. I love everything about it and call it a celebration of our togetherness. May it be the mehndi, the jewellery,  the dressing up or the wait for the moon, I thoroughly enjoy it including the drool-worthy dinner prepared by hubby dear which is served piping hot by him always. My life lies in the little joys of life like going with him for Mehndi and shopping for the pooja a day before it. Aah! There should be more such days and need I say I really love praying for the person who brightens my life in so many ways whether or not he chooses to do it for me ♥️

Of course there’s a constant debate on whether or not a woman (read feminist) do such fasts and while I respect all the opinions I had long back abandoned felling prey to them, do what your heart tells you, simple isn’t it? If you aren’t, you are no less nor will your spouse’s life reduce, you can just trust me for that. Just have a conviction in whatever you do 😊....

Believing in firmly in my decision year on year, this time, I spent the day in praying, cooking and scrolling through how different women are celebrating their Karvachauth and I was both amused and impressed how each one has evolved their own version of the festival. Some were fasting with their spouses, some traditionally, some on vrat food, some on fruits and some were not fasting but praying heartily. The best part was all were happy and celebrating in their own way, big or small, flashy or sober, immaterial. It was so beautiful to see the modern Indian woman evolved so wonderfully, that she knows how to customise our rich traditions in accordance to our times. She knows that she has to drive to pick up kid from school or go to work or do several other tasks in the nuclear setup all by herself so she knows what she can, what she can’t. She is aware and she is decisive and that is what makes her an empowered woman 👑

Thus, thus Karvachauth I raise a toast to all such women and their customised versions to adapt to their indispensable needs as well an earnest desire to offer a sincere prayer for the spouse! Cheers!
Truly Yours Roma

If you like what I write, you can grab the copies of my four published books here: The Fragrance of True LoveDestiny's Favorite ChildDare to Defy The Destiny and Empowered Women Empower Women

Thursday, 10 October 2019

A Promise to our Daughters on this International Day of the Girl Child

Today is International Day of the Girl Child and I have never felt this compelled to pen my thoughts. No, I am not going to re-tell the story of the strongest girl I know, for, first I know so many of them, so picking one is impossible and second I have already narrated about so many in my four books The Fragrance of True LoveDestiny's Favorite ChildDare to Defy The Destiny and Empowered Women Empower Women all revolving around Women Empowerment.

The more vital question is how do we do so? We can, by empowering our girls from day one as much as we empower our sons, so eventually we don’t have to have any such international day for a Girl child. By empowering I mean imbibe in them the right attitude to educate themselves and achieve their goals in life, teach them physical power enhancing attributes, don't tell them they are the weaker sex because they are not.

For today I want to step into an Indian girl child's shoes (for I am one, albeit a grown up one but has faced all the music a girl child faces) and want to let the world know what do I seek from not just one such International day but from all of you each day. With due respect to United Nations deciding to celebrate 11th October as Girl child day each year to accentuate focus on her human rights and gender equality, I believe it is something we must channelise our energies in every single day 24X7 if at all we wish to make our world a safe and sane place for all to live happily and peacefully and as the sayings go charity begins at home and each one reach one, if we take the responsibility in our hands, the results will be far more effective.

I can say this, as a girl child born in a backward small town at home..I was unwanted by many because I was a girl and unfortunately there were and are millions others like me till today. As a new born all I wanted then was acceptance into the world and that’s where begins the struggle of an Indian girl which continues at every step until I believe she takes her last breath. I once wrote a poem which goes like this..

When I was born a female child 
I was gifted with the silent onus of proving to the world that giving birth to a girl was not my mom's crime

The first realisation of my childhood
Was to prove to the world I was a girl good

It was not ok for me to soil my clothes
Or scatter my toys when sometimes, to play, I chose

In just a few years, my little brother was born 
I have to now prove to them, what a good sister I was, everyone warned

At that tender age, I probably didn't understand what proving oneself meant 
But gently yet responsibly I held his little finger, everywhere I went 

I grew up a little and the adolescent me 
Was asked not to mingle with boys as what everyone will say in the society 

I did exactly and mended a little girl's ways carefree 
To prove to them that for me nothing is more important than the respect of my family

At thirteen, puberty arrived depriving me forever of my status of being a child 
I accepted it well, proving to the world I was now a person matured

I completed my education with admirable grades
Proving to the world the money spent on me was not wasted

Though finding a dream job was a cake walk 
I have to prove at every step of my professional journey, to my male colleagues, that my skill was at par with theirs

Eyebrows again raised when with my love, I tied knot 
After umpteen years of successful marriage, today I prove to them love marriages too last 

With no support system at home,  when my little baby entered the world
I have to prove my motherhood by giving up all my dreams and ambitions

I did it all and for everyone around
Without a single complaint or sound 

But the world is still not satisfied
They crush my identity each day with pride

After standing strong on the testimonies of time 
And proving myself time and again 

I am now tired of this Proving Myself game 
Ending this perennial dilemma once and for all, I refuse to prove myself to the world anymore.

Please don't Judge me ,
I am what I am!

and unfortunately it holds so true till the present day...

If this International Day of a girl child is potent enough to relieve every little princess of these expectations, levied on them and just let them me, I will truly be happy. Let them live their lives as much as their male counterparts, is it too much too ask?

Well in my perspective why should we even ask for it? We are not requesting anything special but something which is fundamentally ours. We don’t want a celebration and presentation once a year but acceptance as equals everyday, no special favours please. We are what you are, we are not different. If at all you want to give us something give us safety and freedom to act on our own wish.

It’s time to change the rules of the society. Both a girl child and a boy child should be equal to their parents. They must educate and love them equally. Never think your son will take care of you and you will marry off your daughter. Make them both capable of standing on their feet and take care of you like you did of them.

One thing for sure each one of us can do on this special day dedicated to us by UN and that’s to pledge to make our daughters be their own voice and be fiercely independent. Teach them life skills, sports and martial arts and strong will power to fight for themselves and not seek support no matter how adverse the circumstances become. 

This is what life has taught me as I yearn to become a better and better girl child each day. In a new city, new house, all alone I remind myself I still remember by karate kicks if at all I need it tonight.

This attitude is what I seek in our daughters and call out to all of you to yearn and inculcate in our little angels. Pledge to give  them both physical and mental power this International Day of the Girl Child!

Truly Yours Roma

Written for #CauseAChatter on #InternationalDayoftheGirlChild

Tuesday, 8 October 2019

Pure Love Can Move Mountains

Hey everyone, a warm hello to you from Delhi. Trust you must be soaking yourself in the festivities till brim. This year festivals have come in with a settling phase for me. Though amidst Ganpati in Pune and now Navratri, Dussehra and Diwali in Delhi, I have another reason to rejoice and that’s my birthday which always falls within. No matter how morose I feel due to leaving my Pune after  spending eight beautiful years there, I can’t escape Delhi’s Midas Touch that takes me back to the lanes of nostalgia. So yeah after sulking for a week, feeling sick, here I am once again bubbling in energy and my cheerful spirit. 

This was my simplest birthday ever. I have a habit of being surrounded by my friends and /or going on a staycation or a vacation with my boys, cutting multiple cakes, partying hard but this one was most different. Our stuff arrived from Pune a day before my birthday and so no points for guessing what I was doing in between attending your calls which were barely audible due to a perennial network issue in our Delhi home. Loved the Whatsapp video calls thing though which made me connect with so many of you and start smiling back gradually and get back to life. 

Well, first thanks goes to my little boy who made a beautiful card with so many messages for me, he was the first one to wish me too after I woke up but mister husband says he has when I was sleeping, their fight over the claim still continues 😊. Got a lot of priceless hugs and kisses from him the whole day, my treasures forever. A cake, flowers, chocolates and a teddy bear delivered unexpectedly took me by surprise.That was hubby’s way of warming me up for the evening surprise date and I loved the whole celebration with my two lifelines first at home and then at a place with which we have a lot of memories of our dating days attached♥️.

The dinner date further did the trick and I was smiling and posing and enjoying to the brim. The birthday celebrations continued the next day with us visiting the Jagannath temple to celebrate Dussehra and then another birthday bash at another old adda of ours in Cannaught Place. Savouring the best food of Delhi satiated and made the foodie in me smile and I remembered my last poem, life is beautiful and I move on.

A peep into my phone time and again and some lovely wishes from all of you further accentuated my excitement and while I have not been able to write much for the past few days, I once again wanted to pen and to begin with my mandatory gratitude to all of you, my precious friends, family and readers, Thank you for taking our those precious time for this tiny mortal and blessing me on my birthday. Pure love has the power to move mountains and you do that magic to me. 

Words fail me to express my gratitude to all of you!

Truly Yours Roma

If you like what I write, you can grab the copies of my four published books here: The Fragrance of True LoveDestiny's Favorite ChildDare to Defy The Destiny and Empowered Women Empower Women

Life Is Beautiful And I Move On

What makes you grow
is being thrown out of your comfort zone
I still believe, life is beautiful
and I move on...

testing times commence
and never cease to end
to them I say, life is beautiful
and I move on

2019 has been a tough nut to crack
destiny decides to test us completely in just one slot
exhausted yet smiling I repeat, life is beautiful
and I move on

sometimes loneliness engulfs and I find no shoulder to lean
as for the moment relocating has made me abandon my work, my academy
this too shall pass, I trust, life is beautiful
and I move on

This beautiful morn as I meditated by my garden in my new home
I have experienced an amazing uplift
I again spread my wings and reiterate beautiful is life
and I move on

Life is a peculiar enigma
It is unbelievably layered for us to try to fathom its depth
But it is beautiful indeed
and I move on

Know not what tomorrow has in store for me
But I am sure it is going to be amazing
In this hope, I trust today that life is beautiful
and I move on........♥️

Truly Yours Roma

If you like what I write, you can grab the copies of my four published books here: The Fragrance of True LoveDestiny's Favorite ChildDare to Defy The Destiny and Empowered Women Empower Women