Some Wounds Never Heal (Food For Thought Series Vol 6)

"I am sorry dad I will not be able to forgive you in this lifetime. For all your love for me, for making me your princess, though I will remain indebted. But for that one grave mistake of yours which stole away mom from me, I will not be able to forgive you. I try hard every time, even take a step towards you but my inner voice pulls me back. Why did you do this dad?"

Dear Readers, bringing to you a true tale of a wonderful person Shweta, who continues penning below, her last letter to her dad.

"Do you remember those days when me, lucky, mum and you lived a dream like perfect life with our two pups? How happy were we..my eyes still get moist with the ecstatic joy of those precious moments when you went on long walks or gardening with me always tucked with you. My heart use to swell with pride when you spoke about my achievements among family and friends though I knew all that was because of the brilliant genes I have inherited from you. You were my handsome dad, my Hero.

Remember how we both used to hoot at gorgeous mamma clad in your favorite yellow sari and our shopping sprees together. You always bought us the world and gave us a wonderful childhood dad. I always thought you loved mom dearly though you two were poles apart from each other in almost everything but I thought that's what attracted you to each other.

Remember our home sweet home you and mom so lovingly christened ASHIANA, how it made up for our perfect abode. You guys weaved our nest with so much love then dad why did you let it fall apart. Just a mere attraction to another girl made you ditch the woman who lived only for you and who always  gave up all her desires do that all three of us can fulfill ours. This was not what mum deserved for all her goodness. 

No words can describe the agony and mental trauma she faced for the rest of her life which killed her gradually and forced her to die an unnatural death at such a young age. While you were busy in your new love interest she embraced silence so that your respect is not ruined. She was punished for an offense she didn't commit and she willingly accepted it all so that her children are not called children of a broken family.

While she gave up her job as a professor because you wanted her to take care of me, it was a pity in the later life she has to bear the ignominy of continuing with a unfaithful man so that her young ones can complete her education.

Why did you do that dad? Why my hero abandoned us on the path of life? With time I have given myself several excuses in your favour like you had no control over the events but somehow unfortunately my heart could not accept any of them. There is no excuse for my mom's death including my repentance for not pushing her harder to break free.

So please stop making failed attempts to talk to me or get me back into your life. I shall not be able to forgive you in this lifetime. Some wounds never heal, dad!

                                                                                                    

                                                              -Its Me Shweta" 

The plight of the families broken by extra marital affairs is often heart wrenching. More often than not the first wife fails to walk out of her failed marriage due to social stigma or financial dependence on the spouse. It's high time they break the inertia and walk out and be an example to million other. Wish Shweta could save her mother....and would have been a face of change.

          This post is also linked to UBC and Daily Chatter

Have you Read our earlier post in this series:

· When the negative energy around her breaks her down, what course must Radhika Take?

· You Don't Love Me Mom

· Confessions of an Unapologetic Mom

· Indian Alice in Wonderland
 Dear Aaji, I miss you and your Golden Talisman
 Some Wounds Never Heal 

Such is My Love

A long Due Ode to my Love

There are some days when u tend to sink...especially when forced circumstances for a long period steal your rhythm and peace of mind. Externally you maintain your composure and project a normal you but your soul craves for life. It's easy to share and seek solace but it's not always possible to speak your heart out

without being judged. Thus most often than out you choose silence and convince yourself that it's in the best of every dear and near one for whom you are the centre of responsibility.

And this hits the worst an extrovert like me who otherwise will babble his/her heart out but embraces a deep silence when experiencing the lowest point of the sinusoidal curve of life. Consequentially I weave a deep web of solitude around me which hardly anyone can break except for one man who hears all that I haven't spoken...who reads my eyes with his heart...who can read my fingers just by a mere touch.

He is a silent man who expresses in meagre words or rather has he ever expressed in words. Very neutral, very balanced, for all my successes he has been there, always, in the last lane of the crowd after training me hard for the same, he chose oblivion. My heart has cried and even been sarcastic why not like other hubbies he has come running and lifted me in his arms. But that's not he. He is who has silently through his precious unconditional love given me wings to fly but never made a noise about it. He is the eureka in my life from whom I derive all my power without realising. Strange but I wonder if he ever reads what I write though he's the force behind but if a failure hits he lifts my despair in his arms and throws it out of my heart, without showing it a pence. Such is my love..

And yes when the worst hits, without a single spoken word, he knows it all and knows how to caress my soul. With utmost love he holds my hand and takes me for a big surprise sensing exactly what I need. There he heals me with therapeutic touch and the warmth of his love. Again with no words spoken, we spend hours, sitting by the still waters and lush green mountains till all the agony and sorrows are washed off.

I beam back in energy, smilingly, my and pick up life once again. This time with a heart filled with gratitude to Lord for giving me him who is the reason of my very existence. My heart no more craves for his words or displays of affection as I am now so much in love with his divine silence.

Only he knows best what gets me back to life, Such is My Love

This post is linked to UBC and Daily Chatter 

You live in Me, Mom

When I am engulfed in darkness, with all reasons defeated

You know mom, my tender wings regain the power to rise from the ashes

When the world questions, the unusual path I have chosen

You know mom, in my heart ignites the fire to follow my dreams, my passion

When I am left all alone among the milling crowd of millions,

You know mom, I smile and derive power from the lovely memories to me you have given

They say you left me ten years back to rest in the heavenly abode

But I know all the positivity that I drive is because in my heart you always reside

You are the divine light in me that shines so bright

And makes me take the most adverse circumstances in my stride

You live in me, dear mom

And I cherish being your silhouette for infinite years to come

This post is linked to UBC and Daily Chatter 

Moments that make Life Worthwhile

Words fail me to describe the warmth

Of the moment, I get up in the morn, draped in your arms

Curled under the pillow is another fairy tale moment

Whispering silently the tales of our passion

Sshh...murmurs my heart elated

Don't let the sheen rich eyes give away the secret

Ecstatically I close my eyes and the lovely memories of those moments divine

Came Tickling my soul with your love pristine

These moments, my love, are the precious pearls of my life

Which when adorned, complete your wife

Pray our life be drenched in such moments one after the other

Draped in true love that lasts forever

This post is linked to UBC and Daily Chatter 

Satisfaction is Truly A State of Mind

There is a long journey traversed

From being lost in your love

To have lost you my love

Some moments bizarre and futile

Recurring responsibilities and the tide of time

Swept me away from your warm embrace

In the chessboard of our life

Your queen felt pawned defending you from the enemy's knight

You always won but your queen was sacrificed

Need I ever say, I desired you day and night

Waiting for the endless wait

To get over and you remember our golden lovelorn days

The imprints of your butterfly kisses on my temple

Which stroke in me a thousand emotions and tinkles

Are what I crave for before I choose to perish

I was slowly drifting away from you in my mind

When I realised Satisfaction is the hardest thing to find

The vicious circle of life has only made our love more profound

Satisfaction is truly a state of mind

Its as simple as asking you will like to hold your nose which way around

Complications and circumstances may screw things, but that's fine

As long as in the limited time, our lost love we find

Don't push your relationship, just caress it gently with your touch tender

I promise things surely will turn better and this time forever..

This post is for Day 1 of UBC and Daily Chatter