Sunday, 4 September 2016

Indian Alice in Wonderland (Food for Thought Series Vol-4)

No matter how high the Indian Women raise their nations's head, no matter how many medallions they amass or how they work shoulder to shoulder with men in all walks of life, unfortunately in most parts of our country women of the household are still treated as the property of men always expected to speak and do what the men desire often crushing their own self respect and knowledge. But for how long can we simply pacify ourselves by brooding against our hurtful patriarchal society. 

Someone has to awaken them and make them face the bitter truth and I will do it even if that translates to bearing their hatred but I will set the stage for my daughters to lead a life where there mind is without fear and head is held high for I can't let more Suhana's lead a life of extreme penance and then quietly perish. Situations worsen when the mother in laws too join the bandwagon in oppressing the little princess who has just left her secure cozy world with her parents and entered her husband's household.

Yes, this post is a true tale of a dear friend Suhana , whom I have earned purely on the merit of my writing. The day I first met her post several exchange of pleasantries and some real candid heart to heart tete-a-tete online, I was so smitten by her charm. She was real beauty with brains. Her true tale is a real eye opener and can even serve as an inspiration to umpteen other sobbing hearts like hers. Below I bring to you her account to you expressed in her own words..

"The day a tear dropped from my daughter's eye, I died a million deaths..until then I had forgiven everyone but that day I commenced a new journey on the path of liberation. I weaved those tears into a tight ray of hope and decided to face the destiny headon and I am glad I here I am baring out my life to you.By the grace of Allah, I was born to a very very affectionate set of mom and dad who never distinguished between us siblings or confined us in the name of religion. My dad was the softest guy one could ever meet, always beaming with positive advice and smiles and thus it was obvious for me to expect the same qualities in my future husband whenever I got married. Well, the fateful day arrived soon and I was wedded at 19 post completion of my graduation.

I have seen my hubby a couple of times before marriage and he appeared a decent human being but just in a few days after our tying knot, I realized he was a recluse and socially awkward guy. He only came to our room in the night and never spoke a word more than required to me and spent most of the time with his parents talking in whispers to his mom. He never even sat on the same sofa on which I sat or vice versa, forget about any other thing he did for me. My day went in getting reprimanded by my mother in law for I didn't know much of the house hold work to perfection. I was more interested in different forms of art and my dad always encouraged me to embrace different forms of it.

I felt like an Alice in Wonderland with everyone around me behaving strange and brooding against me. I had no one to share my heart to. Way back then, there were no mobiles etc. for me to be able to talk to my parents when all eyes were not piercing me.

I felt very lonely and often cried in solitude. I was soon carrying twins but that did not improve my plight. My husband left for abroad on a professional assignment leaving me behind and the void in me just kept growing...

He was back when our son and daughter were born but chose to stay out of our room to avoid any disturbance to himself. He neither spoke to me much yet nor ever abused me. My in-laws behavior remained antagonistic to me and my children. My husband once threw my daughter on the sofa in a fit of anger. As tear rolled down my three year old's eyes, I decided to give up my inhibitions and patience for the betterment of my children.

In the next 4 months my husband was to leave for his next assignment abroad..I mustered all my courage and requested him to tuck us along, giving every possible argument in the softest manner. Fortunately, as this was a short assignment and the first time ever I had requested anything, my wish was granted after a lot of reluctance from his parents.

What followed was almost a beautiful dream and a period of absolute bliss. Gradually, I earned the trust of my husband and he started to share his heart with me. Our friendship soon grew and we became very best friends. He taught me to play tennis and even permitted me to take up a job. His assignment got extended to 4 years and we weaved our beautiful nest with so much love.  I often wondered, was this the man I knew for so many years and invested my heart and soul in our wonderful relationship full of smiles and consideration for each other.With God's grace both my children grew up well too.

Now, we are back in India and lead an absolutely normal and wonderful life except for the days when his parents stay with us, when he chooses to speak very less with me and stay away mostly. I am unable to gauge the reason though and feel am still to fathom some of his hidden layers..but it hurts when the love of my life alienates me suddenly for some days without a reason.. Can anyone explain this???? For how long will I dread the days when my in-laws stay at our place?"

Have you Read our earlier post in this series:

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