"F"ailed Marriages: Should they be given a Second Chance?

"My heart shattered when I realized my man had someone else in his life..Like every wife I too can smell him and tell the fragrance that was draped around him a little while ago wasn't mine...

His behavioral change has made me sense it a long while back but I kept shunning the idea for as long as possible as the most difficult challenge was to face my fear that my marriage has failed and my one is having an extra marital affair! My soul shivered at the thought and I preferred to live in denial...

After all ours was such a perfect life .. He , me and our little boy and girl... There was always so much of warmth and love in our small world that this was what I feared the least...

How should I say the biggest pain for a woman is to share her husband'a love and when I could not take the agony and despair anymore, I mustered all courage and opened my mouth to him softly and after my little peanuts were off to sleep...

What followed for months each night were unending fights and his perennial non-acceptance of a relationship outside...I was heart-broken and felt betrayed but still loved him as loving him was not a switch on and off button that I can put off...

Despite of all this, he never asked for a separation and I don't know till today whether I was sad or happy about it.. What I knew was that I longed for his love ..Soon, I started loosing health and became really frail..

When I found it difficult to stand on my feet one day, I took my children to my parents home...what followed were a series of tests and I was diagnosed with Cancer. It can be treated but who would want to live in such circumstances...

I was anyways dying a slow death but I feared for my little kids.. Confined to bed I kept gazing at the roof, trying to discover what wrong have I done that my beautiful world has come shattering so badly in front of my eyes...perplexed by atrocities of time and fate, I shut my eyes...that's when I heard a mild whisper in my ears... I knew I recognised this one...it was surely "him" for this is how he has whispered I love you to me a million times... I opened my eyes.. Yes, it was him, with tears in his eyes.. I turned my face to the other side... He gently took my face in both his palms... And reiterated those words with added remorse.. I love you and miss you Anu, Will you please give me a second chance ? "

Was it this easy for Anu?

With broken faith, will she be able to love her husband like before ?

Will she forgive him ?

And most importantly had she done the same , do you think her husband could have forgiven her?

Many amongst us are faced with his challenge today and thus is a true story of my colleague who never forgave her husband from her heart but is still living with him under societal pressure...I often see her in silent tears as the scars on her soul are still fresh...

Please darlings, you are God's most beautiful creations, the decision to give a second chance is absolutely yours and subjective.. Don't let it be forced on you... It's time we put our foot down... Be strong, be independent and be the Face of Change!

You may also like to read the earlier 5 True Tales of Indian Women in this series, some heart wrenching while some inspirational...

"A"trocities in The Disguise of Tradition : The Shut Doors

"B"attered....The Remorse of a Daughter

"C"ircumstances: What made Sona a thief

"D"are to Defy The Destiny

"E"nd of Roads sometimes marks a New Beginning

Author's Note: This Post is a part of #AtoZChallenge 2016 under my theme #FaceofChange

In the 26 days of this coveted challenge, I am going to precisely talk about the need of Women Rights and Liberation as despite of them, working shoulder to shoulder with man in all walks of life, Crimes against Women and Gender Inequality are the two menaces which are still destroying the foundation of Peaceful Happy Co-existence in our society (in most Asian countries).

"E"nd of Roads sometimes marks a New Beginning

"It was my tiny peanut's first day to kindergarten and I felt really vulnerable to send him to a new environment and a new care taker...As I parked the car outside the school and took heavy steps towards the school gate, my anxiety soared...For a moment I regretted my decision oh sending him to a play school so early at 2...engrossed in these thoughts I reached the inside of the premises...that's when I saw bright lady advent towards me..she greeted me warmly and took my boy from my arms most lovingly!

My connection with her was instant for she was a wonderfully graceful and affectionate teacher...Patience and wisdom were her virtues.. Her divine smile made my heart relax a bit...

I didn't realize it than, that we will grow up to be the closest of friends in very little time...for me, she has embodied perfection as mom of 2 diligent boys and a caring wife who even gave her husband a massage for his backache in the morn amidst all the hustle bustle of an early routine of teachers of finishing the house cores, stuffing multiple tiffins and rushing out on time....All in all she was a noble soul...

But what she hid from me for long was the fact that she was married to a psychopath, an absolute weird creature not in control of his emotions ...she had been entrapped by life with this man who loved her one moment and the very next battered her and her little children inhumanly...though she always lived out of the fear of what would happen the next moment, she had accepted her fate and resorted to teaching in which she found solace..

However, she could not hide her bruises from me for long...also, she never accepted any of my argument for walking out of such a marriage and always took her husband'a side stating that he has such mood swings because his parents had an abusive marriage and thus he has had a painful childhood... She bore all the tortures quietly and accepted everything her husband said including what to wear and whom to talk to.

Her parents knew her agony but had two more daughters to marry so they chose to stay neutral. She also feared that being a teacher she'll not be able to shoulder the financial responsibility of rearing her kids, thus accepted the charring of her soul by the sinful beast, whose love too she hated now!

She believed this was end of roads for her until one day in a fit of anger her husband pushed their 2 year old son against the wall... The child got severely hurt and her elder son went in a state of trauma seeing his little brother in blood pool...that was the day she decided to call it a Quit...forever... And mark the beginning of a new journey!

It was truly immense courage on her part and she is still fighting for separation from the man she has selflessly loved for 10 years but she and her kids are happy in their space now ....A perfect teacher that she always was, she teaches at school and takes tuition in the evening to make both ends meet.... She also runs a batch for poor children free of cost....Life is not a bed of roses but atleast they are not pricked by thorns each day...Also, she now has the confidence to turn the tide of time in her favour under all circumstances...

My heart goes out to her every time I meet her or think of her and we still remain the best of friends... Despite of so much pain, she never misses to spread her most beautiful smile as wide as river Nile!"

Why does men choose to treat women as their slaves?

Does having a painful childhood due to their parents abusive marriage gives them a license to do the same to their wife and kids too or it should be vice versa?

It's time to raise our voice ladies and be the Face of Change.... It's miles to go before we sleep!!

Don't Batter your Wife..

Respect her Pride..

Aid her Stand on her own Feet..

Lead by example, practice what you Preach.. 

Our little children mimic what we do..

what seeds today we sow, we'll reap all life thru'

Author's Note: This Post is a part of #AtoZChallenge 2016 under my theme #FaceofChange

In the 26 days of this coveted challenge, I am going to precisely talk about the need of Women Rights and Liberation as despite of them, working shoulder to shoulder with man in all walks of life, Crimes against Women and Gender Inequality are the two menaces which are still destroying the foundation of Peaceful Happy Co-existence in our society (in most Asian countries).

Herein, I shall be narrating real life stories of Indian Women, how their souls are charred each day and how they still dread the patriarchal society which always treats them as the lower and inferior sex

My earnest endeavor is, these posts reach the maximum people and serve an eye opener to the perpetrators of inhuman crimes against Women...My heart would be in peace, even if I succeed partially in this mission of mine!

Trust we will be connected straight from the Heart, in this journey for a cause and be the FACE OF CHANGE...

Do come back tomorrow to yet another eye-opener true tale!

-Truly Yours Roma

"D"are to Defy The Destiny

Women are epitomes of unparalleled Will Power...they absolutely aren't desolate creatures (as perceived by many) and once they decide to raise their voice, there is no looking back for them, no matter how tough is the road ahead...This article is the true tale of one such inspirational woman, in her own words.....

"I am Dhruvi...I am a Speech Therapist and reside in Delhi... Near the same orphanage where my parents abandoned me when I was really tiny...probably because I stammered and they worried if they would ever be able to marry me off...I missed them a lot but didn't know the way to my house! I often cursed Destiny that why it struck me...

My orphanage people were good...we were given food and education...As a small child I soon got accustomed to the life there... I loved to study and books became my best friend...Sister Gomes always managed to get some for me and other kids from the grants she received to run the child care centre...She loved me and I assisted her in every possible way! There were challenges but I had settled when Destiny struck again....

I was 12 and needed to shift to orphan girls hostel as per the rule there...Destiny has orphaned me once again!

In this girls hostel I spent the worst years of my life...we were kept like animals and made to work like dogs...we were tortured and our self respect was charred and crushed to pieces every night....All requests and pleas to the authorities fell in deft ears...My soul could now not take any more wounds...This is when the first thoughts of Daring to Defy the Destiny first arose in me...after all what worse could happen to me now?

And then one day I ran away from there, with all my might! I reached out to sister Gomes who gave me the contact number of a friend of mine who regularly visited me on orphanage... I stayed in her house for a few days and got a job in a cooperative with the help of her dad.

I summoned the broken pieces of my self respect and embarked on this new journey...soon, I resumed my studies...I always wanted to be a doctor that too a speech therapist who could give free treatment to poor girls so that they are not left by their parents on the garbage bin...

There was no looking back thereafter ... I worked hard almost 22 hours a day and stayed focused to my dreams... 13 years later today , I am what I always wanted to be because I dared to defy the destiny!

And I am glad I did... The road wasn't easy....but today when I glance into my daughter's eyes, my soul feels satiated and all the pain vanishes in a flick of a second..

Don't kill your daughters...

Don't Abandon your girl child...

They are God's Sweetest Gift to us..

The most lovely reason to Smile..

Embrace them with all your heart

And be the Face of Change Proud "

Author's Note: This Post is a part of #AtoZChallenge 2016 under my theme #FaceofChange

In the 26 days of this coveted challenge, I am going to precisely talk about the need of Women Rights and Liberation as despite of them, working shoulder to shoulder with man in all walks of life, Crimes against Women and Gender Inequality are the two menaces which are still destroying the foundation of Peaceful Happy Co-existence in our society (in most Asian countries).

Herein, I shall be narrating real life stories of Indian Women, how their souls are charred each day and how they still dread the patriarchal society which always treats them as the lower and inferior sex

My earnest endeavor is, these posts reach the maximum people and serve an eye opener to the perpetrators of inhuman crimes against Women...My heart would be in peace, even if I succeed partially in this mission of mine!

Trust we will be connected straight from the Heart, in this journey for a cause and be the FACE OF CHANGE...

Do come back tomorrow to yet another eye-opener true tale!

-Truly Yours Roma

"C"ircumstances: What made Sona a thief?

Trying hard to retain my dream job..

I entrusted my son upon her...

She broke both my trust and my future ability to trust..

Shall I blame her or the circumstances that forced her!

"If you are a working mom, the search for a trustworthy nanny for your little bundle of joy seems to be the most humongous task of the millennium and if you really find a worthy one, there is no joy like entrusting your little love in the secure hands...

I am Chayaa...Mother of a now 3 year old little peanut, who succeeded in hiring an elderly woman as her son's nanny after numerous failed attempts with maids and the ever vanishing maid agencies...She was sent by a trustable acquaintance from a nearby village and walked into my house on the day if my mom's barsi...Thus, I somehow believed that she was sent by my mom to take care of her grandson...

She was educated and was adept in rearing my baby...She worked from morn till evening and we paid her handsomely...She charged for overstays and night stays during my international travels and we were ok with it...all in all it was a win win situation for us.


She told me that I am like her daughter and never missed giving me a cup of tea when I came back from work before going home...We fondly called her "Sona Didi" ... Soon she won all my trust and she became our family member...

Our son felt great with her and often when me and hubby gave up all attempts to put him to sleep whole night, she would come in the morn and put him to sleep within minutes...

Sona didi has been married for 40 long years to a man who was a drunkard and who did nothing other than burning her money in buying alcohol...Sona didi also had 2 daughters to marry for which she was collecting money, thus we willingly rounded off her salary to the next high figure each month for like I said, we assumed her to be a family member...and trusted her like one!

Once I was bound to Sweden and 3 other European countries for an important assignment.. As I was travelling alone I removed all the gold and Diamond jewelry and kept it in the jewelry box in which all my other jewelry was kept in my cupboard....And entrusting my sonny to Sona didi I left...

Upon my return, she as usual pampered me that she had cleaned all my cupboards in my absence and sorted all mess...I again felt grateful to her and Almighty for sending her to me!

In a few days , when I thought of wearing back at-least a pair of bangles from my jewelry box, I found it missing from the cupboard...I could not believe myself that it has been stolen... It was most precious to me as it also contained my late mom's jewelry.. Frantically I searched everywhere and informed hubby ..

We knew who has taken it but she never admitted... She has not only stolen the jewelry box but also our trust...Shiver ran down my spine at the thought of leaving my son with her... He was my biggest jewel and once bitten is twice shy...next morn, I went to my office and resigned from my job."

This is a true tale of a dear friend who chose not to raise a police complaint against Sona Didi for despite of what she has done, she believed that it is her Circumstances that made Sona Didi took to theft... had her husband not been an alcoholic and she would not have to marry off her two daughters, she was thoroughly a nice lady...

Normally, I die-hard preacher of justice,in this case I did agree with with my friend.But she has still stolen her jewelry and is a thief... Was opting out of such an abusive marriage a better option for such women? 

What would you have done in such circumstances... Will you call Sona Didi a thief? Who's at fault?

Do let us know your viewpoint..

It's time we raise our voice and be the FACE OF CHANGE.

Author's Note: This Post is a part of #AtoZChallenge 2016 under my theme #FaceofChange

In the 26 days of this coveted challenge, I am going to precisely talk about the need of Women Rights and Liberation as despite of them, working shoulder to shoulder with man in all walks of life, Crimes against Women and Gender Inequality are the two menaces which are still destroying the foundation of Peaceful Happy Co-existence in our society (in most Asian countries).

Herein, I shall be narrating real life stories of Indian Women, how their souls are charred each day and how they still dread the patriarchal society which always treats them as the lower and inferior sex

My earnest endeavor is, these posts reach the maximum people and serve an eye opener to the preparators of inhuman crimes against Women...My heart would be in peace, even if I succeed partially in this mission of mine!

Trust we will be connected straight from the Heart, in this journey for a cause and be the FACE OF CHANGE...

-Truly Yours Roma

"B"attered....The Remorse of a Daughter

If God just grants me Wish, 

And asks for my life Instead...

I will most willingly, give him the same...

And without second thoughts, would ask for my "MOM"

"No one can ever realize the pain of a daughter who saw her mom die a slow death moment on moment under lamenting pain and a battered soul...and before she could do anything her mom left for the heavenly abode!

I am Bhoomi....my mom's princess...yes that's what she called me till she was with me....and my mom was my pride too and will always be. Though I will never wish anyone to perish the way she did and as her daughter I could not do anything to save her.

My mom was a pure bundle of talent and in those times, few decades back, she was a doctorate professor in a degree college until my grand-dad decided to marry her. She obeyed her parents and married my dad who made her give up her job as working mom were not very welcome in our society that time...

Though she came with a hefty dowry, the greed of her in laws( I am ashamed to call them my grandparents ) was ever increasing... They tortured her, pierced her with agonising words and treated her like a housemaid of my father's 8 younger brother and sisters.

Things worsened and to add to her misery I was born as her first child-a girl...in a house room without the aid of any doctor of or nurse..everyone in her family were extremely annoyed with her... This happened to be her biggest crime till date ... My dad was ordered to abandon me and her and remarry! The situation was calmed by my maternal relatives stuffing more money in their stomache....

I wondered why my mom's parents and here family never came to her rescue, never ever....Not until her death and rather kept sending money and gifts...

My mom was always quiet but as I grew up I couldn't bear all that she was through..I tried to raise my voice at many occasions but was as unwanted in the family as my mom...

Whenever I asked her why she didn't raise her voice... She would calmly tell me that you are my voice darling...and I want you to grow up into a Strong Woman who will be ever happy and not dependent on anyone.

Sarcastically , soon, I too learnt to brood in silence but I let the pain burn strong in my heart...I have committed to myself that I will complete my studies and be on my own as soon as possible and free my mom from the clutches of these inhuman parasites...

By the grace of God, I soon completed my studies and took up my first job...rented a flat and ran to my mom...my heart yearned to do my bit for her for she has left no stone unturned for whatever I am today braving infinite adverse circumstances...

I held her hand in mine, planted a kiss on her forehead and whispered to her softly, mom , please come with me , we will leave this house forever today and carve our own world!

A tear rolled down from her eye and she spread her smile as wide as river Nile... Baby,no one will marry you, if your mom always stayed with you.. We argued for hours and in utter despair I gave up! She made me promise her that I will always be independent and not let a similar fate befell on myself!

Dumbstruck, I returned back to work and soon got engrossed in fulfilling my mom's dream...talking to her over phone each day still trying to persuade her to come and live with her...once her voice sounded feeble, I asked her to rest, that day she rested her soul Forever!

Loosing her, my world shattered...no words can describe my remorse that moment... I was filled with extreme repentance which worsens with every passing day.. Wish I had forced her a little more and pulled her out of that hell forever, I would not have lost her at such young age!"

This is a fictitious adaptation of a true tale narrated by a regretful daughter... Who still keeps searching for the reason why her well educated mom, her parents or she herself raise her voice against the atrocities done on women in the name of Dowry in our unfortunate patriarchal society...

Until we raise our voice and fight back, trust me , under no circumstances , will they realise their mistake and their greed will only multiply which would further only increase Crimes Against Women! I know it's easier said than done, but it's high time they correct themselves or are put behind bars... Being the current generation , the onus of the rightful equitable behaviour to our moms, spouses and daughters in absolutely our responsibility!

I thus urge to you all to share these posts as much as you can, to awaken as many consciences as possible and be the FACE OF CHANGE!!

Author's Note: This Post is a part of #AtoZChallenge 2016 under my theme #FaceofChange

In the 26 days of this coveted challenge, I am going to precisely talk about the need of Women Rights and Liberation as despite of them, working shoulder to shoulder with man in all walks of life, Crimes against Women and Gender Inequality are the two menaces which are still destroying the foundation of Peaceful Happy Co-existence in our society (in most Asian countries).

Herein, I shall be narrating real life stories of Indian Women, how their souls are charred each day and how they still dread the patriarchal society which always treats them as the lower and inferior sex

My earnest endeavor is, these posts reach the maximum people and serve an eye opener to the preparators of inhuman crimes against Women...My heart would be in peace, even if I succeed partially in this mission of mine!

Trust we will be connected straight from the Heart, in this journey for a cause and be the FACE OF CHANGE...

-Truly Yours Roma

"A"trocities in The Disguise of Tradition : The Shut Doors

All through My life, I chased my dreams...

So that my daughter doesn't go through, all that I did..

I fought all odds to give her sunshine...

Still when the time came, for all my efforts, I got a long dark night

"India is the land I am born....and I take pride in it....yet being a woman , there is so much I want to change about it...Don't get me Wrong! I look up to my traditions and have no intentions to demean my motherland in the eyes of others but does that mean I accept all atrocities that come in the disguise of these traditions???

I am Avantika...I am a small town girl with big dreams, lost mom at 17, single child , school & district topper ,mechanical engineer , working as a manager in leading IT company & mother of a 5 months old.

Through this article, I want to highlight another kind of taboo associated with menstruation/periods in India. This is a personal experience which has once again forced me to think 'Why am I a girl '.The purpose of this article is not to hurt any ones sentiments or culture.Neither I have any complaints from my family.They are extremely caring & loving.Its just my way to unleash pain & anger.

As I had already crossed 30 and there was high family pressure for baby. We were planning for  family since last 1 yr & One fine day I realized that I have missed my periods.After pregnancy test, it was confirmed and entire family was elated with the news.On an ultrasound scan at 6 weeks, when I first saw the glimpse of my baby, world became a better place...I had started growing each day with the little one.Though,I hardly knew with a new arrival, arrives bags of rituals & myths.

As I was working, my in laws came to stay with me when I was 5 months pregnant.Being high class Bengali Brahmins they are extremely religious.Now starts the real fun, I was told from 5 months pregnancy women should not pray and  not even touch temple stuff.I accepted thinking there is a scientific reason of not to overstress expectant mother.

In 39th week of my pregnancy, I delivered a healthy baby.It was supposed to be a normal delivery but last moment  complications led to a C- Section.First thing I was told that in a way its good ,baby didn't follow dirty path( Vagina).I just though,at its inception baby actually followed this so called dirty path.

After 5 days, I was discharged from the hospital.As I was stepping out of the hospital with a new life, I was elated & excited oblivious of what's in store.My Mom in law told there would be inauspicious period of 21 days called 'Atur' as per Bengali tradition.

Before entering the house, I was taken to a saloon to cut my hands & feet nails.Don't know the reason though..On entering the house, I was welcomed with 'Ganga Jal' drops.Soon after entering my room, I realized my husband's wardrobe was vacated.All his clothes & belongings were moved to another room.For next 21 days he was supposed to stay in another room.None of the family member including baby's father was allowed to enter my room, touch me or baby.No visitors ( including my maternal side) or outing for me.Even maid was not supposed to clean my room or wash my mine or baby's clothes.As a result I have to do everything.Mine and baby's clothes were not be kept along with other family members.I could only dry my clothes once others clothes are removed.I was not allowed to enter kitchen, puja place or any other part of the house.Whenever anything was offered to me, it was given in a manner that hands of the giver should not touch me or the place I am sitting.So ideally  things were thrown on my bed/chair for e.g. mobile, keys etc.

You may also like to read The impact of treating Menstrual cycles as Taboo on the conscience of Little Girls

To my surprise I was given food in a plate in my room.I can't sit on dining table and eat with my so called FAMILY.In case, if I happened touch any item of the house, it was immediately purified with 'Ganga Jal'.Whenever  mother in law visited the room, she used to change her clothes and come.In case she touched me or baby, she would change clothes again and then move for other work.I had to make few visits doc along with the baby.Post return,our car used to be purified with 'Ganga Jal'.

Despite being educated & financially independent, I succumbed to all this.Unfortunately ,My hubby couldn't say anything to his parents.May be he wanted peace & harmony in the house.

Following all these rituals, somewhere happiness of new arrival was lost.After almost 10 years a new member joined our family but instead of celebration it got tagged with tearful nights & some painful memoirs.I was treated like an untouchable & ostracised from the family. And all this because I was BLEEDING & Hence I was IMPURE. I thought it was a natural process of recuperating body and settling back to its original position, but the way I was treated resulted in adding more pain to the wounds.Body healed but soul never did...

When I got my first period my mother told me that I have now got a magical power of becoming a mother..This is a blessing from almighty and I should be proud of this natural transition.I never knew this blessing will appear as a bane someday.

Some of you might feel that I have overreacted and these rituals are designed to give mother and child ample rest and allow body to heal.I understand the scientific reason behind this,but the way they are being practised in our society appears as a question to woman's dignity.

My ordeal lasted for 21 days and I meekly followed all rules.Yes I couldn't do anything (For all obvious reasons).But, I promised one thing to myself..I won't let this happen to my daughter or daughter-in-law."

This is a fictitious adaptation of a true tale of an Indian Woman who still could not summon the courage to reveal her Identity....She is educated, lives in a metro yet felt so helpless...Her entire Divine Motherhood experience was turned into a nightmare...The moments which were to be forever imprinted on her heart as sweet memories became the most dreaded ones...It is not only she but thousands others facing the same plight in Silent Tears...

Who's at fault? She who chose to bear it? Her husband who didn't come to her rescue or her in laws trapped in superstitions in the name of traditions...I am not here for the fault finding dears but to create awareness and to awaken your conscience..The sooner we stop all this, this world becomes a better place to reside for our moms, sisters and daughters ...Let equality Prevail and let us be the "Face of Change"!

"The Shut Doors have started to creak and open slightly....I wish and pray they open wide...

The Ray of hopes peep inside and all darkness get replaced by Bright Sunshine"

Share this post as much as possible to awaken the conscience of people who commit such Atrocities

Author's Note: This Post is a part of #AtoZChallenge 2016 under my theme #FaceofChange

In the 26 days of this coveted challenge, I am going to precisely talk about the need of Women Rights and Liberation as despite of them, working shoulder to shoulder with man in all walks of life, Crimes against Women and Gender Inequality are the two menaces which are still destroying the foundation of Peaceful Happy Co-existence in our society (in most Asian countries).

Herein, I shall be narrating real life stories of Indian Women, how their souls are charred each day and how they still dread the patriarchal society which always treats them as the lower and inferior sex

My earnest endeavor is, these posts reach the maximum people and serve an eye opener to the preparators of inhuman crimes against Women...My heart would be in peace, even if I succeed partially in this mission of mine!

Trust we will be connected straight from the Heart, in this journey for a cause and be the FACE OF CHANGE...

-Truly Yours Roma