Wednesday 3 April 2024

Can a mother ever be wrong? (Pages From the Diaries of Indian Women-Chapter3)

 I have analyzed motherhood from multiple angles and though I always feel if there is anything selfless relation on this earth, it is that of a mother and child, we must stop glorifying a mother and ease the pressure on her. After all a mother is also human and she goes through the same trajectory of emotions that every other human does. Why on earth is she expected to make all the sacrifices? Why is she labeled selfish if she does not make them? Why is she expected to give up her career and settle for something second fiddle or work-from-home kind of job so that she can fend for the minutest need of her kids? Why if the child does anything wrong a mother is blamed for his wrong upbringing? If he or she doesn’t do well in exams she is considered the scapegoat to take the responsibility of being too lenient? Why when a mother chooses to stay with her kid and care for her precious little heart, is she termed overprotective? Why don’t we just let her be? Is the over-controlling nature of Indian mothers when the children grow up and have their families stemming from all the sacrifices and blames that have been levied on them all through their lives? But who pays the cost? Is this the daughter of another mother who comes in as daughter-in-law?

I am a mother and I know how it hurts at different levels. The pressure is humongous. I have also seen my mother give her heart and soul for her children but also take out the physical torture and mental toxicity received from her in-laws and husband on the kids when she could not bear it anymore only perhaps to repent later. Her life was claustrophobic not being allowed to despite her academic excellence and above-par intellect. The mother in her forced her to maintain a fake perfect happy family until her untimely death so that society accepts her children as normal and she dies a perfect ‘Suhagan’. In India everything is about society I guess. It killed me as a daughter that I could not do anything for her. I tried but to her how society perceived her mattered the most. 

As a mother, I inherited her Mother India genes and gave up my dreams to bring up my child well and live his childhood. But I evolved gradually and believed like any other human and mother too can be right or wrong. So I re-weaved my dreams and started working on them very gradually. Took all the tags society gave me either way and didn’t care. I corrected myself whenever I was going wrong and ensured I was not a controlling mother ever but not an absent mother either. I always weighed every decision and had my set of highs and lows. I still make mistakes but I always correct them and apologize and forgive myself because I too am growing as a mother. 

But there is a third mother who externally still has the power to cause havoc in my happy world. She is my spouse’s mother and she brilliantly remote controls everything that happens in my house. It is as if she is watching us through a CCTV. I have been waiting for her to give us freedom and space for several decades. I am Charulata and I feel blessed that my better half still has his mother to talk to and bless him every day. If her controlling nature had gone away, we would have all been a happy family. I am sure she herself would have experienced this but that doesn’t justify her over-interference. 

But now I will not carry forward this tradition. As a boy’s mother, I will always ensure to accept the daughter who marries my son as mine and give them both space and time to let their relationship flourish and strengthen. I will be a normal human and embrace the passions for which I did not get time before. But like a bird mother once my child’s wings are strong I will let him fly away as high and as far away as he wishes independently. I will not charge the cost of the burden society put me through as a mother from my child and another mother’s child who chose to marry each other. So the answer to 'Can a mother ever be wrong' is yes but it is fine as long as she fixes it. 


Hi everyone, thanks for dropping by, this is my ninth consecutive   #BlogchatterA2Z and global #AtoZchallenge, and this year I am penning  
Pages From the Diaries of Indian Women. In case you wish to check out what I wrote in the last 9 challenges here are the links for 201620172018 2019202020212022, and 2023.

If you like what I write, you can grab copies of my eight published works here: The Fragrance of True LoveDestiny's Favorite ChildDare to Defy The DestinyEmpowered Women Empower Women, Soulful Letters On COVID, for My Future GrandchildI Live to Love YouSoft Strings Of My Heart and Brave Inked Emotions
Also, as the founder of the Endometriosis Support and Awareness Group of India and Emotionally Strong Women Of India, I would love for you to join me in my mission or approach me for any women's health-related (physical/mental/emotional) assistance you seek.

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