Thursday, 31 March 2016

"A"trocities in The Disguise of Tradition : The Shut Doors

All through My life, I chased my dreams...
So that my daughter doesn't go through, all that I did..
I fought all odds to give her sunshine...
Still when the time came, for all my efforts, I got a long dark night

"India is the land I am born....and I take pride in it....yet being a woman , there is so much I want to change about it...Don't get me Wrong! I look up to my traditions and have no intentions to demean my motherland in the eyes of others but does that mean I accept all atrocities that come in the disguise of these traditions???

I am Avantika...I am a small town girl with big dreams, lost mom at 17, single child , school & district topper ,mechanical engineer , working as a manager in leading IT company & mother of a 5 months old.

Through this article, I want to highlight another kind of taboo associated with menstruation/periods in India. This is a personal experience which has once again forced me to think 'Why am I a girl '.The purpose of this article is not to hurt any ones sentiments or culture.Neither I have any complaints from my family.They are extremely caring & loving.Its just my way to unleash pain & anger.

As I had already crossed 30 and there was high family pressure for baby. We were planning for  family since last 1 yr & One fine day I realized that I have missed my periods.After pregnancy test, it was confirmed and entire family was elated with the news.On an ultrasound scan at 6 weeks, when I first saw the glimpse of my baby, world became a better place...I had started growing each day with the little one.Though,I hardly knew with a new arrival, arrives bags of rituals & myths.

As I was working, my in laws came to stay with me when I was 5 months pregnant.Being high class Bengali Brahmins they are extremely religious.Now starts the real fun, I was told from 5 months pregnancy women should not pray and  not even touch temple stuff.I accepted thinking there is a scientific reason of not to overstress expectant mother.

In 39th week of my pregnancy, I delivered a healthy baby.It was supposed to be a normal delivery but last moment  complications led to a C- Section.First thing I was told that in a way its good ,baby didn't follow dirty path( Vagina).I just though,at its inception baby actually followed this so called dirty path.
After 5 days, I was discharged from the hospital.As I was stepping out of the hospital with a new life, I was elated & excited oblivious of what's in store.My Mom in law told there would be inauspicious period of 21 days called 'Atur' as per Bengali tradition.
Before entering the house, I was taken to a saloon to cut my hands & feet nails.Don't know the reason though..On entering the house, I was welcomed with 'Ganga Jal' drops.Soon after entering my room, I realized my husband's wardrobe was vacated.All his clothes & belongings were moved to another room.For next 21 days he was supposed to stay in another room.None of the family member including baby's father was allowed to enter my room, touch me or baby.No visitors ( including my maternal side) or outing for me.Even maid was not supposed to clean my room or wash my mine or baby's clothes.As a result I have to do everything.Mine and baby's clothes were not be kept along with other family members.I could only dry my clothes once others clothes are removed.I was not allowed to enter kitchen, puja place or any other part of the house.Whenever anything was offered to me, it was given in a manner that hands of the giver should not touch me or the place I am sitting.So ideally  things were thrown on my bed/chair for e.g. mobile, keys etc.

You may also like to read The impact of treating Menstrual cycles as Taboo on the conscience of Little Girls

To my surprise I was given food in a plate in my room.I can't sit on dining table and eat with my so called FAMILY.In case, if I happened touch any item of the house, it was immediately purified with 'Ganga Jal'.Whenever  mother in law visited the room, she used to change her clothes and come.In case she touched me or baby, she would change clothes again and then move for other work.I had to make few visits doc along with the baby.Post return,our car used to be purified with 'Ganga Jal'.

Despite being educated & financially independent, I succumbed to all this.Unfortunately ,My hubby couldn't say anything to his parents.May be he wanted peace & harmony in the house.

Following all these rituals, somewhere happiness of new arrival was lost.After almost 10 years a new member joined our family but instead of celebration it got tagged with tearful nights & some painful memoirs.I was treated like an untouchable & ostracised from the family. And all this because I was BLEEDING & Hence I was IMPURE. I thought it was a natural process of recuperating body and settling back to its original position, but the way I was treated resulted in adding more pain to the wounds.Body healed but soul never did...

When I got my first period my mother told me that I have now got a magical power of becoming a mother..This is a blessing from almighty and I should be proud of this natural transition.I never knew this blessing will appear as a bane someday.

Some of you might feel that I have overreacted and these rituals are designed to give mother and child ample rest and allow body to heal.I understand the scientific reason behind this,but the way they are being practised in our society appears as a question to woman's dignity.

My ordeal lasted for 21 days and I meekly followed all rules.Yes I couldn't do anything (For all obvious reasons).But, I promised one thing to myself..I won't let this happen to my daughter or daughter-in-law."

This is a fictitious adaptation of a true tale of an Indian Woman who still could not summon the courage to reveal her Identity....She is educated, lives in a metro yet felt so helpless...Her entire Divine Motherhood experience was turned into a nightmare...The moments which were to be forever imprinted on her heart as sweet memories became the most dreaded ones...It is not only she but thousands others facing the same plight in Silent Tears...

Who's at fault? She who chose to bear it? Her husband who didn't come to her rescue or her in laws trapped in superstitions in the name of traditions...I am not here for the fault finding dears but to create awareness and to awaken your conscience..The sooner we stop all this, this world becomes a better place to reside for our moms, sisters and daughters ...Let equality Prevail and let us be the "Face of Change"!

"The Shut Doors have started to creak and open slightly....I wish and pray they open wide...
The Ray of hopes peep inside and all darkness get replaced by Bright Sunshine"

Share this post as much as possible to awaken the conscience of people who commit such Atrocities

Author's Note: This Post is a part of #AtoZChallenge 2016 under my theme #FaceofChange
In the 26 days of this coveted challenge, I am going to precisely talk about the need of Women Rights and Liberation as despite of them, working shoulder to shoulder with man in all walks of life, Crimes against Women and Gender Inequality are the two menaces which are still destroying the foundation of Peaceful Happy Co-existence in our society (in most Asian countries).
Herein, I shall be narrating real life stories of Indian Women, how their souls are charred each day and how they still dread the patriarchal society which always treats them as the lower and inferior sex

My earnest endeavor is, these posts reach the maximum people and serve an eye opener to the preparators of inhuman crimes against Women...My heart would be in peace, even if I succeed partially in this mission of mine!

Trust we will be connected straight from the Heart, in this journey for a cause and be the FACE OF CHANGE...

-Truly Yours Roma

Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Finally, I fought all odds to take up the #AtoZChallenge 2016 : Face Of Change (Theme Reveal)

Better Late than Never...A Big Hello to All my esteemed Fellow Bloggers and Readers of #AtoZChallenge 2016 and here I am without much adieu, revealing to you the theme which is closest to my heart and I wish to use the power of my pen, to reveal and urge to the world to stand up for this cause....

In the 26 days of this coveted challenge, I am going to precisely talk about the need of Women Rights and Liberation as despite of them, working shoulder to shoulder with man in all walks of life, Crimes against Women and Gender Inequality are the two menaces which are still destroying the foundation of Peaceful Happy Co-existence in our society (in most Asian countries).

Herein, I shall be narrating real life stories of Indian Women, how their souls are charred each day and how they still dread the patriarchal society which always treats them as the lower and inferior sex

My earnest endeavor is, these posts reach the maximum people and serve an eye opener to the preparators  of inhuman crimes against Women...My heart would be in peace, even if I succeed partially in this mission of mine!

Trust we will be connected straight from the Heart, in this journey for a cause and be the FACE OF CHANGE...

                                                                 -Truly Yours Roma

Touch Me Not, Said my Broken Heart...

Touch Me Not,
Said my broken Heart...
My very own, whom I loved so much,
And for whom I changed the course of my life's path...
Has ripped me apart!

Trust me or not, overdoing things can be a Disaster...
For when you over-care, you tend to naturally expect...
As you have put in your heart and soul,
And reciprocation is the least, for which your tender heart growls!

May it be your profession or a cherished relation..
This is exactly where we are gripped by nasty expectations...
Gradually and deeply, these expectations steal our Power to Reason...
And we loose over innocuous bitterness, our precious one!

Thus, I consoled and gently caressed my Heart "Broken"...
And imprinted on it, life's biggest lesson...
If only, in everything, you'll keep the balance...
No-one would anymore, shatter you and petrify you to such ignominy, beyond compare!

Touch Me not,
Said, my now, not so Broken Heart....
I will hold all of them in my softest  corners...
But with such balance that I let them not rip but bloom together, Forever! 
                                                              -Truly Yours Roma

Tuesday, 22 March 2016

Holi was, is and always will be Absolute Bliss for our Toli❤️❤️

With Holi around the corner, childhood memories of this sheer fun and frolic filled colourful festival come drifting in, coaxing me to shun all inhibitions and once again #khulkekheloholi like yester years ๐Ÿ˜Š and I have been doing and will be doing exactly that....

I know decades have passed, people have moved on and unfortunately Holi is gradually loosing it's charm... But, I am glad nothing much seems to have changed for us... I mean me and my bestie with the only difference, that I now call him my hubby❤️❤️

Yes, I can still hear mom yelling crazily to oil our hair and even body with her trusted Parachute Hair Oil , while we were busy planning our water pranks and assimilating our colours collection...for she knew she's gonna have a tough time for days while bringing down the colours off us! But the excitement and the jubilation of those moments made us feel ecstatic and our excitement knew no bounds...not to remember anything else!

Holi was absolute Bliss for our Toli❤️❤️ comprising of a huge herd of all we neighborhood kids๐Ÿ˜Š.... There was no worry about our next day's exam with our entire focus only being on who would be the next target of our water filled balloon...

Also, we spared no friends of our colors no matter where they were hidden  and a dip in the huge tub full of colors was an absolute must๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

I and my best friend used to lead the gang and were the centre of all the Holi Mastii and we were recognized by our Holi pranks.... Many years later being married to each other, we have still managed maintained our name...

Undoubtedly, Holi still remains the most eventful and joyous festival for my family ❤️❤️ .... This year though on account of drought being declared in Maharashtra, we intend to have equal amount of dry fun by playing with dry Gulals ❤️❤️

Like every year we have invited all our friends and relatives with their spouses and kids to our place for loads of fun, food and Mastii ๐Ÿ˜Š.

We have made the colors out of corn flour and edible colors as taught to my little sonny is school to have utmost Mastii without harming any body ❤️

With my precious half and my bestie landing in the evening from tour, tonight we plan to make Gujiyas and other Holi special delicacies over some serious prank planning for our friends ... After all there can't be a better way to relive your childhood again than to #KhulkeKheloHoli๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ and too with our little boy and family and friends!

Happy Holi Folks, Have a Blast...
Play Holi till your colors last❤️❤️

Author's Note: “I’m pledging to #KhulKeKheloHoli this year by sharing my Holi memories atBlogAdda in association with Parachute Advansed.”

Tuesday, 15 March 2016

My Precious Possession of some choicest #MemoriesforLife imprinted forever on my heart

Sometimes, I feel so blessed to have born a not only fathom the deep sea of emotions, warmth and care for my love ones but also profess wisdom, endurance , patience and faith all simultaneously...I have thoroughly enjoyed my  journey as a women learning and evolving through each of it's phase, and thus weaving precious Memories for Life!

The most beautiful one of all of these undoubtedly being the pleasure of being a mom....motherhood has knocked the softest corners of my heart and the treasure of those priceless moments are forever etched on my heart..I love to relive those moments as often as possible but every time it still wets my eyes and gently tinkles and soothes my soul! In this post, I narrate this most beautiful chapter of my life..

Getting almost swept back in times....

This dates to about 7 years back, I had accidentally conceived and though I was happy, being so caught up in my high profile career, the feeling hasn't really sank in...I was pretty young, just married and was always travelling owing to my profile..Yes, I did have some cravings but that was only at 2:30 a.m mostly...I was a carefree soul who hasn't learn to settle...

Months flew, on 1 st march I attended a crucial board room meeting at 7 p.m.  followed by a sumptuous dinner made by hubby darling and a game of Scrabble, our favorite...That was exactly when my water bag burst..there was a lot of confusion plus our Gynac too was not in town..... 

Amidst all this, it was the first time I chose to stay calm, for I realized my anxiety will bother my little one side...I felt so connected and so protective about this tiny soul within me...I had become a mom, a real mom,  a few moments before his birth... 

I was conscious during the C-section as it was a partial anesthesia with my husband holding my hand...In a few moments, the doctor spoke aloud from behind the screen on my lower half, " Roma, It's a Baby Boy!" AAhhhh...what a feeling it was...when the nurse gave him to us for a few seconds saying you can now kiss the baby...Tears flew down from both mine and hubby's was pure ecstatic joy...pure motherly love oozed out of me as I caught first glance of him, in the sunlight that peeped in from the window...He looked like an angel sent straight from God...Words Fail me to express, what a divine moment it was for me that transformed me into a mom, only a mom, forever a mom, from being everything else in the world. So this is when the feeling really sank in...

His First smile, first word, his first step, his first day to school, his first award are all #Memoriesoflife for me...Today he is seven years old but I still love to play with his fingers like I did when he was my little baby..Time has flew so fast and I am glad he is growing up into a fantastically talented boy... 

I still so much insist on keep weaving these sweet memories and they aid us said smoothly even through the rough patches of life!

HDFC Life gave me this rare opportunity to send a message to my sonny boy also with creating a scrapbook for him, which I loved to do, you can read the same here as well as create yours too:

Author's Note : Share your #MemoriesForLife like I’ve done at BlogAdda for HDFC Life.”

I could not resist sharing this lovely commercial too, which touched the core of our heart and teaches us so much....

Relive your Childhood this Holi and #KhulkeKheloHoli Friends

Holi with my Sunshine, Yesterday, today and forever #khulkeKheloholi
I am an astoundingly firm believer of staying firm on ones roots and nothing aids is stay more bonded to our very roots than it's festivals that remind us of our enriched culture and traditions... Agreed?
As festivals are also times to getting together with your family no matter which part of the world you are in multiplies the fun all the more...whether it is lighting diyas with everyone on Diwali, waiting for Moon Rise on Karvachauth, our festivals hold the most special part in our lives...
And like all of us have our personal favorites , my fav festival is connected to my free spirited flamboyant soul, and it is undoubtedly HOLI, the festival of colours ever since my childhood ❤️❤️
As I think of it, priceless memories keep flooding my heart about what great fun we had on the Holi...Being woken up by the priceless aroma of gujiyas from mom's kitchen...Mom first oiled our hair with her first trust, Parachute coconut oil... And than we, checking on our packets of colours, pichkaris and water balloons... Our girls gang soon collected and played Holi to our hearts content... No one was spared , friends , relatives and some times strangers too ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š .... He ran home only when we got Hungary in between to gulp down a few Holi Delicacies and than attacked back with double the vigour, only to dance and take dips on the huge coloured water tanks..
Celebrations went on for hours and moms found it really difficult to identify their children as all of us were black and green and red from top to toe... Though drop dead tired the zeal never died until we were really hurled bck home!
No matter how dirty we were and how many days it would take for the colours to permanently go from our bodies , we were damn happy and satisfied.. Aaww! What great fun it was , marvellous day where nothing could drench our spirits to play Holi to our heart's contents๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ
Unfortunately with every passing year I had seen the energy and interests of people dampening in Holi...This chars my soul even further that this is on account of very trifle reasons like protecting their skins or taking it as a leave to spend it on a weekend getaway!
C'mon guys, this is not done... #KhulkeKheloHoli yaar! 
It is fun and Mastii beyond compare... 
No matter what's your age...

Play Holi any encourage your kids to do the same as well, so that you pass on the right legacy of our rich culture to them too like the legacy of #ParachuteAdvansed that run across generations!!
As for me and my family, Holi is a religion and we love and immerse in every ounce of it's fun...till our hear and souls are immersed and satiated....No matter if we are keeping it dry this time, the Gulals are sure to do the trick :)

Author's Note : “I’m pledging to #KhulKeKheloHoli this year by sharing my Holi memories atBlogAdda in association with Parachute Advansed.”

Tuesday, 8 March 2016

Let's Pledge to #ShareTheLoad and Sow the Seeds of a Perfect Tomorrow!

Though the times today have witnessed a paradigm shift from what it used to be a couple of decades ago in terms of gender equality and I am so damn glad to be breathing in an air that let's women work shoulder to shoulder with men in most walks of professional life..but unfortunately the picture isn't that welcome in India, in the domestic scenario...where the men and the kids still shy away to #SharetheLoad in most households and all chores are still mommy's business no matter even if she too had had an equally tiresome day at work!

Blame it on the crippled traditional mindsets or the general inertia in resisting the change, the latest statistics put forth this hard fact that the responsibility of domestic chores is one are where gender equality must sneak in...and the earlier the better!

Data Courtesy : Ariel and Blogadda

The picture looks grim but there is however a ray of hope..On the optimistic front, are a handful of households in our country which are leading by example in sharing the load of housework equitably and can definitely be a torchbearer of a positive change for million others! In this blogpost, I share the regime of one such balanced family and that's mine!!

No, No, boasting and bragging are not on my mind :D ..The idea is to spread the positive vibe to #SharetheLoad among as many lives as possible even if that's to a limited extent only initially...When dad and kids and mom will share and cooperate in finishing the chores, we will automatically lay the right foundation for gender equality in times to more often than not children imitate what their elders do at home!

For me Marriage came as the biggest eye opener. Having witnessed for years mom taking care of 120% of all the chores at home, I initially was startled when I moved in an apartment with my hubby post marriage...He effortlessly cooperated in every single house work and even initiated and finished a few, like cleaning and doing laundry..At first, I was intimidated as I wondered if his help was out of sympathy for he felt I didn't know how to do them....

Not able to hold myself for long, I had poured my heart out to him sheepishly in a soft voice stating that I knew it all and he might not pity me only to be corrected by his reply in next couple of minutes, a reply that stole my heart forever!

'S' replied : As we begin our new journey, It shall sail most smoothly when both it's front and rear wheels will sail together and #ShareTheLoad! We are both equals, and let's commence our married life on principles of love, mutual respect and equality!

My heart swell with pride hearing each word of his and this pride only multiplies today after 10 years of our wedding where he has not only practiced what he has preached but also trained our little sonny in similar fashion. My little boy likes doing laundry or dishes with dad, watering the plants,cleaning his room with occasionally cooking with mom and dad on weekends and that's a part of his routine now...

Ours is thus a nuclear household, with the three of us take turns and share all the work at home to the best of our capabilities!! Life thus becomes a worthwhile  journey full of smiles, love and care while we #sharetheload and I am relieved of the extreme pressure many of my friends are buried under...

I thus urge to all who touch upon this post, to sow the right seeds of gender equality now in your households, as buddies, As you Sow, so will you Reap :) Moreover, a candid little effort of yours to share the load (you may start with setting up laundry in Washing Machine with Ariel as an easy yet perfect start)with your precious half, will undoubtedly touch her heart and make your child tomorrow a great hubby and a wonderful dad!

Author's Note : “I am joining the Ariel #ShareTheLoad campaign at BlogAdda and blogging about the prejudice related to household chores being passed on to the next generation.

Sunday, 6 March 2016

10 point Sada Sexy Love Enhancement Kasams

Hey love, below I have chalked out a Sshh Secret Mantra...
For you to remain #SadaSexy in my eyes Rockstar❤️❤️

How about making me some promises this women's day...

And steal my Heart all over again ❤️❤️

This is just a small price for keeping our fire alive....

Trust you'll merrily revise these 10 Point love enhancement Kasams for your dear wife ❤️❤️

So without much adieu....

I present below the coveted list to you❤️❤️

#Kasamno1: So love, first and foremost I want you to spare some precious time and memorise our together times since childhood, including the ceaseless laughter and meaningless chatter and promise me that you will take out time of your always busy schedules and give me back my childhood bestie and boyfriend naughty( at least in some ways, phew๐Ÿ˜‰)

#Kasamno2: Though I may sound a weirdo to you but promise me that you will have me in all your DPs on all social media handles and whatsapp too to let all your singletons colleagues that we are happily married and they need not try on you ( P.S. Forced to do this as apne saaman ki suraksha khud Karen )

#Kasamno3 : The third kasam I crave from you is for all the days you are not travelling, we'll have dinner together and in the same plate( I promise I won't starve you :D) .... Sweet little gestures to enhance love darling that strengthen the couple's bonding.

#Kasamno4 : Be Mine after Nine❤️!  I have never confessed this to you but my heart freaks out waiting for you to end up those long discussions on your cell please khao kasam that you'll finish them all up before nine and post that you are only mine ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

#Kasamno5 : Now this one may sound nasty but I desire this promise from you to keep you #SadaSexy...Promise me that you'll hit the gym or Zumba class with me which we can schedule on weekends or whenever you are free❤️❤️ it will be so much fun to dance our hearts together or help each other tone our body muscles ๐Ÿ˜Š

#Kasamno6 : No matter which part of the world you are in, as you open your eyes each day and close it each night you'll talk to me or ping me without fail...even if it's for a couple of minutes, a straight from the heart candid chat is vital for a sparky jazzy relationship ❤️❤️

#Kasamno7 : A Pleasant Surprise Date gives the most Wonderful Kick! In saatvi kasam, promise me to surprise me more often by tour sweet gestures and kind words, which are enough to rock my World❤️❤️

#Kasamno8 : Promise me you'll not stop me from clicking our selfies umpteen and smile and pose with me in each one of them! After all I am trying to weave sweet memories each moment of life, to forever remain in our hearts and albums , like a song as the years come along ❤️

#Kasamno9 : In 9th kasam, just fulfil my only dream, I have buried deep in my heart since decades it seems, do take me in your arms, across the globe on a World Tour , my love❤️❤️

#Kasamno10: Last but not the least , promise me my precious half, to be by my side in life's every moment, sweet or sour....Until the day I forever close my eyes, I keep witnessing the naughty lovelorn tinkle in your eyes and your smile as wide as river Nile❤️❤️... The two basic things that make you stay #SadaSexy , my Prince Charming!

“I’m blogging about the kasams I want from my man this Women’s Day with the #SadaSexy activity at BlogAdda