The Common Woman of India, the Real Inspiration: #TrueStories In #Causeachatter 2022

 

"All will be good soon, don’t worry, any illness takes time!” Raya tried to reassure me over the phone as her bones crackled with pain and her body shivered in a high fever. My heart went out to her. She has learned to take life in her stride with utmost poise no matter how difficult destiny made it for her. In fact, I am in awe of how she still is so full of life despite facing so many hardships. Born in rural India, there were umpteen moments when she could have succumbed to the circumstances but here she stands stronger and smarter beating all the odds with her willpower. So, yes she defeated COVID soon too like she promised me on phone and is back on her feet working hard to give her family a worthy life. 

She was born among three sisters and a brother and was always extraordinary in academics. Her elder sisters got married when they were really young and when the choice came that whose medical education fees her parents will be able to afford, her brother was the obvious choice. He completed his studies and started practicing. Raya still continued with her extraordinary passion to excel in her studies and right after her post-graduation started teaching Chemistry in a newly opened engineering college. Her parents were finally so relieved that they could fulfill most of their responsibilities. Soon, they married Raya’s brother who was blessed with a tiny angel. It was finally time to find a worthy groom for Raya who was doing so well in her career.

But destiny had entirely different plans. Her young brother was murdered in a bizarre incident by the angry relatives of a patient who lost his life. This broke her parents but grieved Raya took charge. She promised to take care of her old parents for the rest of their lives and she has stayed firm on it to date. 

In the coming years, she was married to a really nice, handsomely earning, young man who agreed that Raya brought in her parents to their home. They were soon blessed with a sweet little boy, by God’s grace. Raya’s joy knew no bounds, for the first time in her life she felt that perhaps the testing times are over and she can now lead a peaceful time with her family. Both she and her husband were doing good in their respective jobs and their little one was growing so well in his maternal grandparents' arms.

But her belief was soon shaken when her husband got diagnosed with depression and left his job. It was difficult for her to fathom the cause, she still tried giving her best and taking care of him. During all this, she also lost her father to ill health. Again she took charge and took upon herself, both the financial and emotional responsibilities of her family, leading from the front. 

She consulted the best physiatrist for her husband who got better with the right medication and started a new job in a new state. She too switched jobs and moved on with him with her son and mom. Through her hard work, she again carved out a good name for her in the new state where she had just begun teaching, in a school where her son too can study. Time has taught her to take any situation head-on with a smile,  no matter how adverse it is. She just smiles and moves on. She is the common woman of India who is a real inspiration. She to me is a real Superhero.

As years passed, her challenges till today don’t cease to end. Her husband is in and out of his mental health issues and keeps leaving jobs at the drop of a hat. Her mother is old and has had her knees replaced but tries her best to take care of her grandchild who is fairly independent now. Raya loves all of them and also herself. She loves to laugh, dress up and enjoy life. Never give up come what may, is her motto in life and I, her friend, could not have been more proud of her. I so wanted to bring her story to the world. I am sure you all will shower immense love on her. Our appreciation is the least we can do for her. I wait to see her smile as she reads all your messages in the comment section.

In 2022, I will be sharing with you many such real stories for I believe the common women of India are a true inspiration in every sense and their stories must come forward to touch our hearts and inspire us.

If you like what I write, you can grab the copies of my six books published so far here: I Live to Love You, The Fragrance of True Love, Destiny's Favorite Child, Dare to Defy The Destiny, Empowered Women Empower Women, and Soulful Letters On COVID, for my Future Grandchild

This post is a part of the #CauseaChatter Initiative by Blogchatter.

Life may be a mirage but I will dig my own well

Life is a mirage in the desert 

Whenever the thirsty me feels I am inching 

towards the first drop of water and the greens 

to quench my thirst, they vanish like a dream 

Why is life never easy? 

God has his ways of testing us 

Some more than other 

And believe me, he tests more the good ones 

Like each one of us, he too desires 

the good ones to remember him always 

Thus he brings them more agony 

It is a heartbreaking irony 

I am a firm believer in God 

On him my faith I have always focused 

The more he has chosen to test me 

The more I have sucked in my welled up tears 

If life is a mirage 

And every ounce of water I see would vanish 

I possess the courage to dig my own well

Even if a million times I fail 

I wonder if I should be angry with you my lord 

For testing me a million times 

Or be grateful you made me this strong 

That I shatter to pieces and then stand up

 strong 

Self-motivation does help but honestly 

Sometimes I feel caught up in this vicious trap 

Where I fail to realize 

If the road I have chosen is wrong or right 

What I was and what I have become 

But I shall not look back and repent 

Life is too short to sit and sulk 

I will rather make it worth

I agree things more often than not, don’t go my way 

So what, I will still smile, embracing my deep pains 

For life may be a mirage 

But I have learned to dig my own well hard

And you, my lord, will help me in that 

Let nothing let my faith evade 

Life may not be a bed of roses 

But I have now learned to smilingly befriend the thorns

P.S. I love to inspire myself this way, weaving words is therapeutic to my mental health.

If you like what I write, you can grab the copies of my six books published so far here: I Live to Love You, The Fragrance of True Love, Destiny's Favorite Child, Dare to Defy The Destiny, Empowered Women Empower Women, and Soulful Letters On COVID, for my Future Grandchild

This post is a part of  #CauseaChatter Initiative by Blogchatter.

On Women’s Day, Women Seek Equality in Decision-Making

 I don’t know why I haven’t done this before but with all my heart I dedicate this #internationalwomensday to myself and the entire powerful female writers clan who through the power of their pen yearn each day to bring a positive change to theirs as well as the lives of all the women around. You may not know but your empowering words heal, your guidance lifts spirits, your tips aid them become better parents, you help them in their mental and physical health journey and are their ray of hope. We are doing a fab job girls cheers to us. Today I raise a toast to all the sincerity and dedication you have put in the cause. It’s important that our stories be shared to the world. Not only ours every woman’s story. 

Personally I believe everyday is our day no matter how cliched it sounds. In fact even 365 days would be so less to celebrate womanhood. For years I have yearned that women in India get a respectable status at least in their households and may be one day in the society too. Things have looked up undoubtedly with more parents embracing equality in their children whether a boy or a girl. Also, I take pride in reading a lot of female-centric success stories around me. 

But honestly at the root level, even the most educated Indian woman still succumbs to the decision of the man of the house. It hurts her but she won’t say a word. She doesn’t call it oppression rather the love for her man. I am surprised because to me she calls and cries. But when I show her light, she says she has accepted her fate. 

Yes this is a true story and I know her mental health has gone for a toss because she often texts me- Why me? Damyanti(name changed) is one of my closest friend. Highly educated, a great professional and a mother of two. She is married to a man she was initially not in love with but it’s been over a decade now and she has tried her best to weave the best friendship with him. They have had two children together and that makes me assume it’s a desirable union of two evolved individuals who have risen above their pasts to build their future though things don’t add up every-time I meet them.

Also read: Why Mental Health should be our Priority in 2021?

One fine day the woman who is the head of sales for a very prestigious organisation gives up her job of twelve years to do a full time MBA from an average college only because her husband wants her to switch field from sales which calls for her to stay late on month ends. So she sits at home doing online classes and taking care of her two children. In her class are mostly 21-22 year olds freshers which don’t match her intellect. She feels stifled and panicky and is loosing all her confidence. She calls me often and tells she misses her work and her happiness. She naturally feels jealous when she sees her friends happy around her but what she doesn’t feel is the need of raising a voice against her husband’s unilateral decision. I have started seeing depressive tendencies in her and it hurts deeply. If a women of her caliber faces this, I wonder what shall be the plight of the ones much below her in the social strata.

Her mental health is slowly degrading despite she being one of the strongest women I have come across. I consider it her mistake too. Why didn’t she put her view point forward in taking such a vital decision of her life? The truth is most Indian women still don’t. It is engrained in them from childhood that their dad, brother, husband or son will take a decision for them. It’s time we change this. Women should be given equal say in making the important decisions for herself and her family. This is the most important gift that can be given to a woman. So if you are a man and you are reading this please just gift this equality to her today if you really wish to celebrate Women’s Day from your heart. Also, if you are a woman, stand for this equality of the fellow woman in your family no matter what relation you have with her and most 

importantly stand for yourself. Remember we need to take our own decisions to remain happy always for whether the consequences are good or bad we will own them. It’s important to our mental health and well being. Exhibit your true women power and bring to the table a fair discussion in important decision making in your family. This shall be good for you as well as your loved ones. The road is long and difficult but you have to take the first step now. This is just one of the story I cited there are so many more out there whose hearts are wailing in silence, yes on women’s day too. 

You may also like to know: Know How Your Mental Health is Impacted by your Physical Health

...and now coming back to us dear fellow women empowerment writers our humongous task has just begun. We need to prick more and more people’s conscience and be the torch bearers of positive change. No one can get away with just  celebrating a day for us and in the hindsight don’t change their regressive thoughts. On women’s day women seek equality in decision making and I am their voice to the world out there!

If you like what I write, you can grab the copies of my five published ebooks here: The Fragrance of True Love, Destiny's Favorite Child, Dare to Defy The Destiny, Empowered Women Empower Women and Soulful Letters On COVID, for my Future Grandchild

This post is a part of #CauseaChatter initiative by Blogchatter

Know how our mental health is impacted by our physical health: My Personal Experience

Mental health and physical health wellness work in tandem. I am perhaps the right example of it. I suffer from a physical ailment called endometriosis for 11 years now. It’s cause is unknown and it doesn’t have a permanent cure. It can cripple your life in terms of causing you excruciating pain for twenty days a month if it in advanced stage like mine. Some surgeries and medication and permanent lifestyle changes may help you fare better but mostly it takes a toll on you. Despite being mentally very strong, my physical health does have a deep impact on my mental health.

In this article I wish to highlight this very point. In order to take care of your mental health you need to ensure your physical health is in proper shape and of course vice versa. Easier said this done, right! Well if you are in a vicious trap like I am in, paralysed with endo pain for most part of the month, the pain scare can send your mental health for a toss. It is obvious to feel depressed, lonely and even wanting to end your life to put an end to the pain as your threshold to bear it has also reduced drastically due to prolonged illness. Family support is vital but they can help only to a certain extent because they can’t really understand the pain you are through. So practically you are on your own.

I am currently in this painful trap and so decided to write to you right at this time. The pain is unbearable from yesterday and last night tears rolled down my eyes on their own and now it’s not a pence better. The painkillers are mostly ineffective in my case may be due to prolonged use. I have had the surgery too and completed the maximum hormonal dosage in terms of injections and tablets one can have in a lifetime. It’s a dead end you see no matter how strong I am mentally, my physical health condition has created so much mental trouble for me.

So what can one do in such a situation. First of all please take care of your physical health always. A preventive health checkup and early detection of a disorder is indispensable to ensure you are both physically and mentally fit. If you are under any medication, please take it on time and work towards a healthy lifestyle. Here are some of the things I do to ensure I am not going down this the dungeon of depression during the testing times:

1. Try to do something you love

Since I love writing I immediately decided to write to you all today. Well, it doesn’t reduce my pain but at least diverts my attention towards a cause I would love to spread awareness about. I loose myself in the world of the words I weave and that aids me relax.

2. Call a person you love and who can make you laugh

 I do this and enjoy a long hearty chat with a dear one who makes me forget the pain for a while and the happy hormones make me feel better. The mental equilibrium is reinstated this way. Pour your heart out to him or her it shall aid you ease a lot of tension clogging your brain and help you breathe a little easy.

Mental illness often stems from our inability to share and keep brooding in our hearts till the wounds become chronic. Communication to the right person often helps in healing.

3. Keep busy

Trust me being busy is the best medicine. I accept more work during the times I am unwell to be overburdened with it, to not give my mind any free space to build up a mental trauma over my pain. I keep working until I get tired enough to doze off. This also gives me a lot of satisfaction and saves me from the agony of wasting my time brooding over why me.

4. Watch your favourite engrossing show curled up in your blanket with a drink of your choice 

There are some comedy shows on Netflix I can watch on repeat mode with a cup of green tea and smile at the jokes if not laugh out loud. It again helps in easing mental pressure. You may as well indulge in a book or some online window shopping, whatever gives you joy and diverts your attention.

5. Relax and meditate to declutter your mind

 Sit or lie in a comfort position and plug in the guided meditation YouTube videos(I prefer Honest Guys) and relax. With a little practice and after a little difficulty to focus initially, you will ace the meditation techniques and trust me they aid you relax like nothing else. I have written a series on it, you may refer to it.

6. Lastly, smile as much as you can

 Smiling everyday is my way of ditching my pain everyday trying to convey to the pain that I will not give up no matter how hard it tries. I strongly intent to bear this smile until my last breath. I want you all to remember me like that always. If any of these feel difficult I am just a call or a direct message away, will be really happy to help.

It is really important to work on our physical health to ensure we are at the peak of sound mental health always and similarly the reverse. Know how they impact each other in your case and make a conscious effort to work on them.

This post is part of Blogchatter's CauseAChatter'

If you like what I write, you can grab the copies of my five published ebooks here: The Fragrance of True Love, Destiny's Favorite Child, Dare to Defy The Destiny, Empowered Women Empower Women and Soulful Letters On COVID, for my Future Grandchild 

A Promise to our Daughters on this International Day of the Girl Child

Today is International Day of the Girl Child and I have never felt this compelled to pen my thoughts. No, I am not going to re-tell the story of the strongest girl I know, for, first I know so many of them, so picking one is impossible and second I have already narrated about so many in my four books The Fragrance of True Love, Destiny's Favorite Child, Dare to Defy The Destiny and Empowered Women Empower Women all revolving around Women Empowerment.

The more vital question is how do we do so? We can, by empowering our girls from day one as much as we empower our sons, so eventually we don’t have to have any such international day for a Girl child. By empowering I mean imbibe in them the right attitude to educate themselves and achieve their goals in life, teach them physical power enhancing attributes, don't tell them they are the weaker sex because they are not.

For today I want to step into an Indian girl child's shoes (for I am one, albeit a grown up one but has faced all the music a girl child faces) and want to let the world know what do I seek from not just one such International day but from all of you each day. With due respect to United Nations deciding to celebrate 11th October as Girl child day each year to accentuate focus on her human rights and gender equality, I believe it is something we must channelise our energies in every single day 24X7 if at all we wish to make our world a safe and sane place for all to live happily and peacefully and as the sayings go charity begins at home and each one reach one, if we take the responsibility in our hands, the results will be far more effective.

I can say this, as a girl child born in a backward small town at home..I was unwanted by many because I was a girl and unfortunately there were and are millions others like me till today. As a new born all I wanted then was acceptance into the world and that’s where begins the struggle of an Indian girl which continues at every step until I believe she takes her last breath. I once wrote a poem which goes like this..

When I was born a female child 

I was gifted with the silent onus of proving to the world that giving birth to a girl was not my mom's crime

The first realisation of my childhood

Was to prove to the world I was a girl good

It was not ok for me to soil my clothes

Or scatter my toys when sometimes, to play, I chose

In just a few years, my little brother was born 

I have to now prove to them, what a good sister I was, everyone warned

At that tender age, I probably didn't understand what proving oneself meant 

But gently yet responsibly I held his little finger, everywhere I went 

I grew up a little and the adolescent me 

Was asked not to mingle with boys as what everyone will say in the society 

I did exactly and mended a little girl's ways carefree 

To prove to them that for me nothing is more important than the respect of my family

At thirteen, puberty arrived depriving me forever of my status of being a child 

I accepted it well, proving to the world I was now a person matured

I completed my education with admirable grades

Proving to the world the money spent on me was not wasted

Though finding a dream job was a cake walk 

I have to prove at every step of my professional journey, to my male colleagues, that my skill was at par with theirs

Eyebrows again raised when with my love, I tied knot 

After umpteen years of successful marriage, today I prove to them love marriages too last 

With no support system at home,  when my little baby entered the world

I have to prove my motherhood by giving up all my dreams and ambitions

I did it all and for everyone around

Without a single complaint or sound 

But the world is still not satisfied

They crush my identity each day with pride

After standing strong on the testimonies of time 

And proving myself time and again 

I am now tired of this Proving Myself game 

Ending this perennial dilemma once and for all, I refuse to prove myself to the world anymore.

Please don't Judge me ,

I am what I am!

and unfortunately it holds so true till the present day...

If this International Day of a girl child is potent enough to relieve every little princess of these expectations, levied on them and just let them me, I will truly be happy. Let them live their lives as much as their male counterparts, is it too much too ask?

Well in my perspective why should we even ask for it? We are not requesting anything special but something which is fundamentally ours. We don’t want a celebration and presentation once a year but acceptance as equals everyday, no special favours please. We are what you are, we are not different. If at all you want to give us something give us safety and freedom to act on our own wish.

It’s time to change the rules of the society. Both a girl child and a boy child should be equal to their parents. They must educate and love them equally. Never think your son will take care of you and you will marry off your daughter. Make them both capable of standing on their feet and take care of you like you did of them.

One thing for sure each one of us can do on this special day dedicated to us by UN and that’s to pledge to make our daughters be their own voice and be fiercely independent. Teach them life skills, sports and martial arts and strong will power to fight for themselves and not seek support no matter how adverse the circumstances become. 

This is what life has taught me as I yearn to become a better and better girl child each day. In a new city, new house, all alone I remind myself I still remember by karate kicks if at all I need it tonight.

This attitude is what I seek in our daughters and call out to all of you to yearn and inculcate in our little angels. Pledge to give  them both physical and mental power this International Day of the Girl Child!

Written for #CauseAChatter on #InternationalDayoftheGirlChild