Thursday 26 April 2018

(Some) X-tra Puzzling Bytes of my Sometime Mysterious Life

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Continued from the series 'Some Extraordinary Slices of My Ordinary Life' Part1,  2, 3,4, 5, 6, 7, 8 , 9 ,10, 11,12, 13 , 14, 15 , 16 ,17 , 18 ,19 ,20 , 21, 22 and 23
When I look back at my life, with baby like eyes, I undoubtedly witness not an iota of anything including the struggles that does not swell my heart with contentment and pride...and the baby in me smiles, the fact that I am able to maintain this smile itself is exhilarating. It warms my heart 😊. Destiny has eventually decided to even walk by my side for a while and for any normal person this would be close to an ideal state of happiness. But somehow not for the paranoid and whimsical me and there is absolutely no reason to it. 

I am otherwise a happy soul and no doubt my own favourite... but at times I feel I am an unsolved mystery who still has several undiscovered layers. There is a need to patiently caress those layers and unfold them one by one though I have absolutely no clue of what lies therein, then why so much of anxiety. I feel a pressing need to do the same but damn it where is the time. The very next moment I get busy playing the game of life with all my might.

Time you see, I get it, time is the biggest culprit who becomes the determining factor of when the things will happen to us and I guess it is this mighty powerful time who alone is capable to give an answer to my questions. I have often written about it I experience a void which makes me feel there is still something incomplete, there is something I need to do or discover further. I have happily termed it the void of inspiration in many of my articles but the fact is he resurfaces time and again and bothers me. It kicks me out of my slumber and says I had only touched the tip of an iceberg. I sulk and weep for a few days sometimes but then see the tiny ray of hope. I hang on to it with all my might and it that tiny ray works wonder.

Otherwise too, if I think deep, I find I am a total surprise package. No one including myself can predict what I will do in a particular situation and so I feel convinced that I am right in assuming myself to be an unsolved jigsaw puzzle. When I am with family and friends this side of mine sleeps concealed as an effect of being an extrovert. I forget about this self-created self-imposed layered philosophy ( phew!) of mine on all vacations surrounded by the two loves of my life on the most picturesque sights.

But when I am alone I try to fix the pieces in the correct order so that they aid me proceed in the right direction, probably they indeed will some day but mostly I don’t have time. So the hidden layers bury further deep and the void seems deeper. Maybe some day there would be a volcanic eruption.

However, today this volcano is dormant. I find it difficult to admit and writing this post took me hours of contemplation. What is it that is making me uneasy, is it again the void of inspiration. The usual me is happy to write early morn but today I have been putting it off again and again. It has never happened to me before. I have spent hours at gym and twitter chats with some wonderful people and then I decided to pour it out to all of you and to my most sacred space here, my blog. Pardon me for not being able to fathom the complexities of human mind. I don't even know if this post made any sense to you. Have you as dazed as this ever?  Have you ever faced anything similar? 

To be continued in the next parts of #SlicesofLife Series on #TrulyYoursRoma in #AtoZChallenge this April.  I am writing on some extraordinary slices from my ordinary life.

Thank you so much for all the love and support you have always given me. Truly Yours Roma is nothing without you! 

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