Continued from the series 'Some Extraordinary Slices of My Ordinary Life' Part1, 2, 3,4, 5, 6, 7, 8 , 9 ,10, 11,12, 13 , 14, 15 , 16 and 17
I remember being really small, studying in Trichy, when despite of working hard, I didn’t top in my class. When teary eyed me approached mum, she told me to always remember - ‘Karma Kiye jaa, fal ki ichcha Chod de’ ...an Updesh from Bhagwat Gita which for me meant keep working hard without expecting the fruits of your labour. It got etched on my heart pretty early and till today it is the foundation of everything I do. When you don’t expect a reward, whatever little or more you get satiates you and you don’t crib or sulk. Agree? I know it’s difficult to adopt this in life at a later stage but somehow this mantra has always been very close to my heart in everything I do. I am pretty happy not to expect.
Life is never a bed of roses for anyone of us no matter what a rosy picture we paint. We writers are magicians of words who can weave a beautiful garland of our words to decorate our pain in the most beautiful manner possible. But the mighty reality does surface when one is out of the trance of her imaginary world. So why not fall in love with the thorns and not the roses. They are sharp, well shaped as well as aggressive. Yes, thorns are my favourites, they keep pricking me to reality rather than painting a rosy picture. Without my parents and with a younger brother under my toe whom I can’t or should not bother and rather support, I have practically zero support system. Every summer vacations my friends go to their mom’s house but for me the word maayka is a fancy. I have never been to mine in 12 years of my marriage. Hey, but that’s ok because you see I told you thorns are my favourite and I consider life a worthy bed of thorns. Be smart, careful and vigilant with it! This is the second principle after Karma, on which I base my life.
Another anomaly(read principle) of mine is I am blatantly rather ruthlessly straight forward. For me a white is a white and a black is a black, I don’t dwell in greys and hence I am not a people pleaser. I confess I experience a lot of discomfort if I don’t tell the truth to the other person or try to fabricate my answer. Diplomacy makes me venomous and I act weird but the moment I spit out the truth all pain is out of my system and I become a cool and composed mind. I loose a lot of new friends on mine because of this but the old ones, they know me inside out and stay with me in thick and thin. The old ones in fact know it just by the expression on my face that I am concealing my usual self and ask me - Bol De 😊(speak it out, you silly).
For years, I had been a very possessive person. My mom lost my dad to another woman despite of being a wonderful wife and mom and somehow it had stayed with me as my biggest weakness. S understood my mental trauma but at times I made life claustrophobic for him as well as for myself. Some time back I forcibly gave up this habit and have learnt to give space at times to the extent that the other person is left craving for the original me but this is better than he/she getting repelled by the over- possessive me. I have really loosened up and letting the other person enjoy his personal space is the new me. If he has to go, he will go and if he is mine he will be mine forever. Life’s Algorithms are complex, I have given up on unwinding some strands.
Last but not the least, I try to smile as much as I can. The worse I feel, the more I smile. The deeper the pain grows, the wider I spread my lips in a U. Smiling is therapeutic to me God knows why but it indeed is healing. Even when literally in tears, I am automatically trying to smile. This may be true also because I am a firm believer of what you give out to the universe is what you get back. I am a good person and try to be good to everyone in my actions and spirits and hence I mostly get goodness in return. In the process I get used sometimes but it’s ok if it gives the other person momentary pleasure. They think I am a fool which indeed is not true, I am pretty cool so I forgive them 😊.
To be continued in the next parts of #SlicesofLife Series on #TrulyYoursRoma in #AtoZChallenge this April. I am writing on some extraordinary slices from my ordinary life.
Thank you so much for all the love and support you have always given me. Truly Yours Roma is nothing without you!
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