"There is this incomplete feeling that lingers on...forever. It has been there from my childhood, it seems so familiar as if it defines me. 2 decades later today from being a child to having my own child and after having accomplished everything I have dreamt of, my soul still seeks peace.
My own heart-wrenching cries as a small child still wake me up at nights. I remember the 11 year old me when I barely began to understand things.. I loved my mom most dearly and my dad equally too. They were the best of parents one could ever have. My little heart wanted all of us to live together and I loved the small house we lived in. But in some other moment when I saw my mom crying in solitude hiding her tears from me, I always invariably cursed dad and the other woman in his life to cause mom so much of pain. I wanted to free my mom of this perennial mental agony and the only way to do this was we leave dad's house which meant I have to live without dad’s hugs all through my life.
In both the cases loss was mine and the dilemma stole my peace of mind forever and that is I guess how it is for all of us whose parents though wonderful people individually don’t get along well. The children of broken families experience this void which drives them away from normalcy. From this void crops up several fears which lives with us throughout our life.
Fear of social stigma, fear of turning disloyal to your partner like your dad as it's his blood which runs in your veins, fear of losing the remaining loved ones on your broken family and the list of umpteen other fears which make you socially awkward only elongates with every passing year and the void only grows.
Every time I smile or laugh I am not sure it's a whole-hearted one and so I try to conceal it along with all of my pain. I feel paralyzed in pain and the incomplete feeling lingers on. And I continue bearing the punishment of a mistake I had never committed in sheer silence. When I was a child the world said I was a silent child and today they say I am depressed but I feel that I am entrapped.
It's not that I haven't tried to brave upon the vicious circumstances life has trapped me in and at times have even succeeded in finding meaning and real happiness in my spouse and little one's smiles but even a small adverse circumstances relapses the fears embossed in my tiny brain in childhood. All my current accolades and the work keep me sane but yet the incomplete feeling lingers on and in dull dark moments even makes me contemplate suicide....can anyone please explain why, is their a medicine or treatment that can fix my illness ??
Now I have decided to seek the answer myself. Enough is enough, I can't let my family suffer under the shadow of my past. I intend to break the web of dismal pessimism around me and I am sure I will. Things have started to look brighter. Every time the morose incomplete feeling now tries to put me down, I try to leave no stone unturned to complete it with my present day assets and rejoice in the moment. Hope this helps! "
Dear Friends, This is a true tale of Harshit(name changed). He is in his early thirties and always experienced emptiness around him until recently. He wishes to let the pain of the child of a broken family known to the world, so that the world doesn't pity such children but come to their rescue and treat them as normal.
Sadly, while once we believed that marriages were made in heaven and did our best to last them for a lifetime, today they make and break at the drop of a hat. Though we all acknowledge that it's worthy to walk out of an abusive or incompatible marriage,we cant ignore the fact that it's the children of these marriages who lead a crippled life throughout no matter the decision goes in whose favor their mom or their dad. It's their nest which breaks forever and this is the last thing that should happen to a child.
Thus I earnestly urge to everyone reading this that choose your spouse wisely, sort your differences amicably before you bear a child because if you dare bear him, show the mettle of rearing him perfectly so that we don't have more Harshits in society living in perennial dilemma.
Copyright ©2016 Roma Gupta Sinha
Have you Read our earlier True Tales in the #FoodforThought
series:
· Indian Alice in Wonderland
Dear Aaji, I miss you and your Golden Talisman
Some Wounds Never Heal
Dear Aaji, I miss you and your Golden Talisman
Some Wounds Never Heal
This Post is also linked to NaBloPoMo (National
Blog Posting Month) which challenges you to a blog post every single
day in November. Publish posts daily, meet other bloggers, and try
something new.
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