Wednesday, 29 June 2016

You don't love me Mom (Food for Thought Series Vol2)

"Please don't close the shop, I need to pick that one up today itself at all costs", wailed Samaira as her little boy's words echoed in her ears that she must fetch an excellent waterproof watch for dad, to be submitted in school, the next day for Father's  Day celebrations. While the shop keeper obliged, she almost mechanically bought one, her mind clogged with the fact that it was already half past 9 in the night and she must reach home as fast as she could and cook so that her boy doesn't doze off without dinner.

Samaira was a very well educated banker working at a senior position in a banking job and was currently serving a semi-urban posting 55kms away from her home. Though her job satiated her in every regard but the commuting took a toll on her. Anyway, she never let it come in the way of her responsibilities at home.

Back home, she headed straight to kitchen without even managing a change and in 30 mins they were all on the dining table. She , her husband , her 7 year old boy and her old inlaws. Her little bunny peanut, Anmol was the first one to break the silence, "Mom, Why are you so late?". 

"I went to buy the Father's Day Present sonny, am sure you'll like it!" She tried to smile hiding her tiredness and trying to break the sullen looks on everyone's face.

"But that present is not for me, it's for dad. You don't love me mom..You come late everyday. My friends' moms spend so much time with them." He signed off innocently and retired to his room. No matter how hard she yearned to please her little munchkin, this was what she heard from him more often than not.

She cleared the dining table and approached his room to sing him his favorite lullaby but unfortunately he has slept by then. She caressed and kissed his forehead, laid his school bag and uniform for the morn and then made her way to kitchen to make cooking preps for the next day.

In bed at 1130, she quickly put the alarm for 5 in the morn to finish cleaning and cooking for all 5 of them before she would leave for work. She looked at her husband, tried to smile to him, but by this time her tiredness had taken over her and she didn't realize when she skid into deep sleep.

As usual she woke to an unending guilt of being a failed mommy, wifey and daughter in law. Nevertheless not giving up on trying she embarked on preparing Anmol's Favorite Pav-Bhaaji so that it makes him happy even if that's for a moment and in that moment he will forgive his mother. She juggled with umpteen other morning jobs in the next hour, trying to lay everything perfect before everyone else gets up, not having the faintest idea of the chaos that would follow in the next few minutes. 

She was startled by a loud cry of her little boy only to know that his school was to start an hour early today on account of Palkhi, and he is very late already. The fact that Samaira has forgotten to check his dairy last night was enough for everyone to get wild on her and reiterate how they found her to be an irresponsible mother too busy in making money. Neglecting the scoldings, she readied him in next 5 minutes and dropped him school with the help of her husband, whom she believed she was guilty of too, of not being able to give him desired love and care. All the guilt was building on too harsh on her.In her urge to give them the best, she even able to manage the better.

As she readied herself to go to work, the mirror revealed to her how frail , weak and lusterless she looked and lusterless her life has turned too. No one would believe that she was the same pretty , flamboyant and chirpy young girl, who some years ago was the pride of our college.

Her husband has stood by her ambitions and initially quality time in the weekends complimented for the their overtly busy week days but now with him, mostly being on overseas assignments and weekends mostly going in long physiotherapy sessions and doc visits to very very old in laws, she felt all sucked up. All this has also created a void in his little Angel's heart who felt deep, that mom doesn't love him anymore. She wanted to shout out aloud to him that he meant the world to her and there is nothing more precious for her than to hold him in her arms forever but time crunch was a vicious circle she was so badly entrapped in. 

Despite of all this, I knew my friend Samaira had far more endurance and also the power to turn the things upside down but a message from her last night perplexed me, which said, " What is the point in leading a meaningless life in which I can't make anyone happy!"

I did not reply immediately and tried to analyse all the aspects. In the next couple of times we met over coffee, we tried to find simple solutions of making her life a little better initially and then march towards perennial betterment.

First of all, we decided to make her give up her urge for perfection to give her family nothing less than the best and hire a 24X7  domestic help and handover all her chores including cooking to her, choosing only to guide her. 

Then we applied for a job for her at a number of banks within the city as well as for transfer in the current bank so as to save on her commuting time.

We made Saturday as Anmol-Mommy Day where both of them went out and spent 4-5 hrs together, talking , sharing , playing and eating together.

Rather than going to the physiotherapists, we hired home physiotherapists and made many such little alterations in her lifestyle to save time.

Fortunately, after the initial inertia at home of the maids ruining the home and can't take care of the home like the lady of the house etc, things started to look up for Samaira and she started to regain her confidence. Simple things made her carve her way out of a trap that almost stifled her to death sometime back.

With the time she spent with Anmol, she explained to him that how mamma loves him the most but also loves her work and is proud of her boy who understands this so well. She also promised him that they will go for a holiday of a month and stay with dad in whichever part of the world he will be in during his summer vacations.

In due course of time, she did get a transfer within the city and when she broke the news to her little boy, he ran to hug and kiss her, " I know you love me so much mom, that you took a transfer here for me, I love you so so much  "
His words were like honey to Samaira's ears and she felt as if she is freed of a long impending curse.

Dear Readers, I trust you are finding the #FoodforThought Series worthy of a cause.Will be absolute pleasure hearing from you, how you related with the above post?

                                                  -Truly Yours Roma 

Have you Read our earlier post in this series:

When the negative energy around her breaks her down, what course must Radhika Take? 

Wednesday, 15 June 2016

When the negative energy around her breaks her down, what course must Radhika Take? (Food for Thought Series)

"I have often come across opportunists and pitied in my heart how their demeaning actions have minimized their stature. Still there are certain questions which remain unanswered… Why we are sometimes forced to unwillingly surround ourselves with unworthy people on behest of the worthy ones in our lives? Why do we even have to give these in genuine stingy people a place in our thoughts, in our lives? After all their negativity is doing more than bruising your heart. These opportunists are actually smart people who act in the realms of only pricking a few while portraying themselves as white cows in from of the rest. While God confer them the riches, finding them already overloaded, he forgot to give them a heart.

I am Radhika, happily married for over a decade to the man I loved then and will love forever until eternity. His love is my biggest strength and I can't thank Almighty enough for conferring him to me. I owe him my everything for having supported me and my family in times of crisis unconditionally and thus if not for anything else for him, I have to be really warm to his family. Even if it means bearing their obnoxious looks and heart-piercing comments all the time in my husband's absence holding me responsible for trapping their son, enticing him to elope and marrying him. 

Their entire aim is to show me down and keep pricking my heart. It's not that I can't raise my voice and inform my precious half or that he would not believe me but I simply don'y want to disrupt the innocent stream of serine love that oozes out of his heart for his family.

Unfortunately God has given me the power to identify these hurtful heartless creatures and see naked their bare souls and nasty ambitions but has not given me the courage to show their dirty faces to the ones I love and break their heart

So what must one do, when the negative energy around you breaks you down especially when you can't avoid these individuals?

It is often recommended to stay quiet and ignore. But I beg to disagree for this not multiplies their confidence but also wounds your soul for not raising your voice against what is not right. Does that mean we defy them outright, well that's even worse for we can't forget they are opportunists and they will build upon your aggression and use it against you. Yes, this is their most generic modus operandi and an extrovert like me has learnt it the hard way after falling prey to their dirty intentions at several occasions.

Well the best solution is to beat them smart when you have no choice but to surround yourself with them. The quick fix solutions are: 

- When u think that the negative energy is acting upon you, try to smile as much as possible (sounds easier than actual but force it on yourself, formy sake once).

-When the opportunist tries to manipulate you and provoke you, smile back with a soft reply. I bet the remorse of not being able to unleash their dirty politics will stifle them.

- Be ready with smart replies and leave the place immediately avoiding situations to confront them

-Please shun the idea of being in the good books of everyone. If you fear that the opportunists will malice your image in the eyes of your loved ones, trust yourself and let the time speak for you. These baseless fears are just a result of the temporary negativity generated by these people and will automatically vanish once you leave the vicinity of these people.

- Plan a future which has a minimum
contact with these people, and if there is no escape, practice the above more and get into the habit of naturally putting down the people who challenge your mental peace.

Though it's easier said than done, these are my practical learning along the journey of life and some food for your thought. Do you have better ideas to combat the negative energies around you? This is what I practice at the moment, to prevent the negativity around me , from stealing our smiles. "

Sunday, 5 June 2016

How to infuse the principles of #SharetheLoad in our tiny tots: Laying the Foundation Right

The best gift we can give our little Munchkins
Is to plant in their tender hearts, gender equality's saplings

Set an example of lovingly sharing the load
Erasing the age-old mental block of laundry being only a mom's job

As you sow, so will you reap..someone puts it so aptly. Similar are the underlying principles of Gender Equality. No matter what had been the scenario traditionally (of all the house chores being primarily a woman's job), what example we set before our little munchkins today will go a long way in establishing the gender roles in their tender minds.Though the statistics paint a gloomy picture but we know in our hearts,  it's true, that 2 out of every 3 children in India think that washing their clothes is their mother's job so what if she goes to office like dad and works shoulder to shoulder with him.It's a pity that 78% girls in India believe that them must learn to do laundry as it is vital to their happy life when they grow up and gets married, their dads too think alike.The outcome is heart-wrenching shared most poignantly in the above video,which definitely is an eye-opener for all of us. The onus of being the 'Face of Positive Change' lies upon us.

Heart-Breaking statistics courtesy Ariel And Blogadda

If today we choose to break the age-old inertia in our household, we not only reap priceless love and togetherness in our family today and break the stereotypes but also lay the right foundation of gender equality in the eyes of our little ones. This for me forms the underlying concept of how we can emboss the principles of #SharetheLoad in little minds at a tender age.

Let me site an example of my very home. My little sonny does not understand the gender distinction in doing house work all thanks to my hubby who has always ensured that all the house chores may it be cooking , washing or laundry all equitably shared between the both of us.This is what is the secret behind our happiness for it's not one of us who is overburdened.

As we both are working we take turns each day in cooking, cleaning and teaching our little boy, we keep laundries for our weekends and that's for a very special reason. It's a weekend fun game for all 3 of us which teaches us division and dignity of labour, respect for all as well aids is spend quality time together. While my 7 year old boy is allotted the task of segregation of dirty clothes, socks etc based on colour and other parameters we have taught to him, dad does the laundry on the washing machine with our ever trust-able and all time favourite Ariel Matic , I am assigned the job of picking them from drier and spreading. All of us sharing lots of laughter and fun moments while finishing.

It gives me immense joy and satiates my soul to see that my son quite naturally feels the urge of helping mom and dad and does not feel that it's his mom's work to do laundry or cook. So much so that I have often overheard him telling his friends that his most favorite times are when he helps his parents cook, to do laundry or set bed for his tired mom and dad. In-fact be motivates his classmates too to do the same.

Lately me and hubby dear are also motivated by the Brilliant Concept of laundry going Odd Even by Ariel and intend to rest the other partner on alternate days of her load of laundry. We are planning to also invent a new fun game for little sonny around this where he will be the odd even Calendar keeper :)

The real joys of life indeed lie in sharing your partner's work as sharing is caring.So folks,please get into the groove and lead by example your little ones, #SharetheLoad at home of every chore, to let them not figure out something that is called gender bias( How we all will love this).I promise you the moment you begin you will experience a great feeling of contentment and gratitude for your spouse, who has been thanklessly doing it for years. Deeply appreciate Ariel Team for bringing on this worthy initiative with Akshara and working wonders around generating, worth emulating awareness, for sharing the load by dads.It sure is One Best Step In The Right Direction.

I am taking part in the #ShareTheLoad Challenge

 with Ariel and Akshara at BlogAdda.

Saturday, 4 June 2016

Datsun Redi-GO: The new name of Fun Freedom and Confidence

Aahh, how much I love driving. Being behind the wheels satiates me, and I feel I am born with the wings. It accentuates my desire to take to wheels if I own the best four-wheel to put my wings on.This along with the fact that I am an automobile engineer has almost made me put a keen thorough eye in selecting my car. Thus naturally I explore every new option and not many impress me at the pre-booking stage. But the all new Datson redi-Go did steal my heart at the first glance. 

It sure exudes loads of Fun. Freedom. Confidence. The ultimate Urban Cross - Datsun redi-GO - the capability of a crossover with the convenience of a hatchback.

Digging through its features the ones which made it score over others for me clearly were Best -in- Class ground clearance for now little sonny won't have to wave up on bumps with a thud sound.

The spacious overall interiors for my exceptionally tally hubby ensures he is not having the discomfort of his long legs not accommodating as is the case in most of the cars. Aesthetically it looks promising too.

and it's smart and efficient performance which ensures I can use it to fulfill my love to drive on hills and unusually rocky terrains at a mileage which soothes our pocket. The claimed mileage sure evokes interest and desire does ignites of this becoming the dream car for million Indians.

I really wish to test drive this one on my way home to Dehradoon from Delhi and if it feels smooth like butter on it, which I do believe it will for my own trust on it, it surely is gonna be my next car with oodles of trial and tested advice to friends and family to buy it too😊 It's Yukaan Design looks super cool, isn't it??
Catch a glimpse here of how my favorite Datson redi - GO readies to take us all by a pleasant surprise.