Monday 16 September 2019

Parental Pressure: Are We Our Kids' Biggest Enemies?

On the day, Ganpati was going this year, that is  on Anant Chaturdashi, Bappa left me with a vital lesson as I chose to watch the movie Chichore that evening. I was in a relaxed mood and totally chilled out with my boys savouring the big tub of popcorns and my favourite mocha when the movie commenced.

But in no time it gripped me as it portrayed a son of two I.I.Tians  mom and dad who were separated. The kid lived with his dad and expected to crack I.I.T exams himself but when he fails, he could not handle the pressure of being called a loser and jumps off from the balcony.

The scene brought my heart into my mouth and my eyes bloated with tears imaging what pressure the young kid would have faced to take such a drastic step. Days before the result came he has started eating very less. In fact he has not taken any vacation for last two years despite his dad’s repeated request. Though his dad is sure he will crack the exam, his mom even tells him it is ok even if he does not get selected.

Who’s at fault then? The kid himself? The parents? Society? I don’t care who is responsible what I care it that the child looses his life and lives in constant fear even when he was alive.

Knowingly or unknowingly ever since our children are small we build pressure on them to get good marks, take several activity classes, compare them with other kids and roll our eyes in distress if they fail. If not we, the relatives, the friends, the society will compare them with their parents or peers and crush their innocence and childhood. At a tender age they hardly understand it but as they grow up they start succumbing to the pressure. Darwinism makes the fittest survive but what about the rest? What about the remaining kids? It breaks my heart to pen that this mad rat race is the most detrimental thing we are doing to our kids.

I would say just let the kids be kids, let them enjoy their childhood. Teach them discipline and values rather than comparison with peers which breeds jealousy. Make them strong individuals so that as they grow up they can decide what field they must pursue. They are lucky enough to have born in the times where they can weave a career out of whatever passion they have. This is also an era of entrepreneurship, teach them risk taking ability, teach them to take failures in their stride and rise from them. Practice makes a man perfect, so keep trying until you succeed. That’s it!

Rest of the time enjoy their childhood as well as let them enjoy their childhood. Weave beautiful memories as these years will never come back again rather than pushing them to classes one after the other. Let them pursue one passion where their hearts are.

A parent should know first if the child is feeling distressed due to any pressure. If yes, we must not wait to do our bit to ease him or her, tell them nothing is more precious to you than them, rest everything can be worked out. Whether the parents are working or one parent stays at home, our relationship with our child should be such that he/she is able to confide his/her thoughts to us. So suppose the kid failed in his maiden attempt to crack I.I.Ts he should be able to discuss it with his parents and chalk out the future plan of action. If he is not, sorry to say but we haven’t done our bit as a parent.

There are a lot of causes when we miss to catch the first signs, one being, we are always glued to technology and are hardly left with anytime to personally interact with our children. In my academy, I often find parents complaining that their children don’t  tell them anything but always share their hearts with me. Why? I am not closer than their parents to them but I listen to them patiently taking out time for them. The time that you give to social media seeing other people’s kids winning medals, steal that time to hone your own progeny. Daily soaps on television won’t enrich you, researching on your kids’ project with him will do. Remember tuition is not a solution for everything.

Don’t reward your child with the most expensive toy or clothes, but with lots of kisses , hugs and your precious time, heart to heart candid tet-a-tete, cracking a joke together, may be shaking a leg if both of you love dancing, or karaoke or travelling together. All these will build his confidence in himself, trust in his relations and strength to combat bad times or failures. Most importantly, don’t compare or put undue pressure!

Dear Friends, do think about it, how can each one of us correct ourself on this!

Truly Yours Roma

If you like what I write, you can grab the copies of my four published books here: The Fragrance of True LoveDestiny's Favorite ChildDare to Defy The Destiny and Empowered Women Empower Women

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