Tuesday 12 July 2016

Confessions of an Unapologetic Mom (Food For Thought Series Vol-3)

It was a lovely morn and I was just taking a quick revision for my brilliant little boy, who has two exams today, when I overheard maa announcing sarcastically to everyone present in the hall, "Either the boy has no brain or she doesn't know how to teach,that they have to revise."

This broke my heart for had it been any other grand mom she would have been proud of her 7 year old grandson's achievements both academically and otherwise at such a tender age. This boy is self-motivated and a child prodigy (in the words of her school's principal) , I just have to offer a little push and support to his dreams and we make such an awesome mom-son duo. But maa despises the fact that I devote two hours on his studies and other activities everyday and have got him into this wonderful habit of being regular in studies. I don't know but every time she comes around she points out that they never devoted any time on kids and all that they did was cooking and fulfilling the duties towards their relatives, three times a day. Never choosing to retaliate, I often bury myself deep in self-introspection. Please don't get me wrong, I value the extremely precious bond of a granny-baby but there are some valid questions that I seek an answer for.

I am Ragini and have myself been a very sincere child who worked hard to excel at school and later professionally too. I have equally valued my relations and have balanced them all well except for maa with whom all went well till my baby was born. I lost my mom quite early so when I got My husband's mom as maa after our wedding 9 years ago, I was on top of the world. 'Maa' yes I anointed her with this name with so much love. I loved and pampered her beyond all humanity and to whichever part of the world my professional assignments took me and overloaded with myself with gifts for her. To care and love was my innate nature and still is and maa loved all the attention and warmth. 

But the things changed, when my little prince came into this world. I became a juggling working mom. Despite of my hectic schedule, I loved to massage my baby, bath him, dress him up apart my regime to breast feed him, I did it all and loved it. I don't know what went wrong but maa went back to her hometown to live with her other son. Probably she didn't like that someone was getting a little more attention than her even if he was her own grandson and I was left in a lurch with frantically lining up at the maid agencies seeking a good nanny for my infant. It did hurt a lot, as to me she has always been like my mom and I had never expected my mom to abandon me in the most difficult transition of my life. Nevertheless, I respected her decision and for the next two years struggled with so many new maids to eventually give up my career of a Business Development Manager at the peak of it.

No complaints, my child is my responsibility and I am ready to give him the best of nurturing at all costs. Never once did I regretted my decision for I believed I had the talent and the hunger to strike back whenever my kid and I were ready. Nor did I seek anyone's support it helping me raise him. With my husband mostly being abroad on assignments I pulled on my twin roles of a mom and work from home consultant decently well and am still doing so. My son is doing fine too and all seems so far so good.

Except for when she is around, she suddenly finds me a bundle of failure. She still feels my giving up on my job was the biggest mistake of my life as kids grow up on their own. Probably she is right and may be we call this variation in thought process a generation gap. 

But if you ask me, I am unapologetic of all that I have done. For 2 years no one cared for my little angel, what he ate, where he slept when I had to report for my international assignments or when he got a sharp cut on his nose. The way my heart cried and bled that night, only I know. No one was to blame, but only him mom. Why bear a child, if you can't rear him? It's only when I took him into my arms and announced a resignation, the soul of a mom soothed. From that day till today I have dedicated quality time in his nourishment and well being though I am guilty of the loss in the first two years but the way he shines today in all the fields, I am glad I have set atleast a few things right. 

Yes, I confess I am unapologetic for all I have done so far for my kid and will always be so. He has giving a new meaning to my life and made every moment of it worthwhile, with his priceless smiles. I may be momentarily hurt by disrespectful remarks hurled but I don't see the need to rebuke or give explanations for now I find my world and peace in my inner being and in the warm cuddle of my little Mr. Wikipedia. 

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