Monday, 21 August 2017

Expanding My Horizon and Spreading My Wings as I Approach My Third Blog Anniversary



I am too overwhelmed and elated writing to you today. It was only last week that I was speaking to you on my void of inspiration and how it always holds some deep meaning for me, every time it lingers on. Though it hurts  a lot for the period I am under its spell, sooner or later, thankfully I am able to quench my heart's desire and hear its voice.

So this time too, seeking answers I was all over the place in the last few days with my mind savouring everything with great delight and satiating my creative instincts and cravings...

I was at the fabulous Women Writer's Fest organised by SheThePeople.TV. A company of like minded souls and some brilliant speakers eminent in various fields relieved my soul's thirst. I felt like I should keep on hearing them, their inspiration tales, their journeys and I did exactly that for the entire day assimilating the wisdom that has enriched and humbled them over the years. Their were many who left a lasting impression on my mini psyche. During the entire event I kept patting my back for attending this event despite of several odds. I also met Kiran Manral, one of my most favorite Indian Writers and found the Midas Touch of the goodness of her soul, deeply uplifting. While words fail me what I assimilated that day, I knew I fathomed some of the deepest secrets of leaving your mark.

The icing on the cake was attending Blogchatter's Meet Up just a couple of days later and my, I didn't know till then that how much I felt a part of Blogchatter. We were like a bunch of 12-15 bloggers and what fun we had. Such concrete discussions shared with utmost personal anecdotes already weaved us into a beautiful family in just a couple of hours. It was a extremely rainy afternoon and we ended it up with a sumptuous lunch and taking umpteen pictures. I rushed home and ensured I connected to the entire gang immediately. It didn't feel many of us met for the first time. I really understood the power of community this day no matter how small of big it is and I owe a truckload of gratitude to Richa Singh, the founder of Blogchatter for integrating us impeccably.

The two events left me sleepless. While #WomenWritersFest exposed me to the wonderful universe of discovering the best avenues to fulfil my dreams, blogchatter taught me how to weave together worthy bits and pieces to weave your nest to recognition. My biggest realisation came in the form of an endeavour to expand my horizon now. I understood just writing like five hundred odd articles isn't enough, you have to work on enhancing your visibility no matter at whichever milestone you are, contentment will only lead to stagnation...it needed to be figured our what's hit and what's a miss for you, for your immediate family of readers. Working hard does help you but working hard in the right direction often does the trick. A perfect mix of versatility and building your unique content in your niche often makes you stand out of the rest.

I know you would say we are writers not advertisers or promoters but so am I peeps and I have faced what you do. I have carried the hard copy of my latest published book which I love to the moon and back in my bag for several events where my friends  would have loved to promote it but you see I sail in the same boat as you do, I just didn't pull it out. With every single reviewer on Amazon, Goodreads or Twitter has rating this book nothing less than 4 stars and book clubs are still approaching me for a massive launch, I always feel it is not my cup of tea. 

But If I can write a book, why can't I market it?


So this year,  I have eventually decided to come out of my comfort zone and break the shell I have built around me for years. I shall indeed yearn to expand my horizon and hopefully will yield some extraordinary results. It's high time I spread my wings and take the flight fearlessly.



Wednesday, 16 August 2017

A Void That Inspires Me

Indian Bloggers
I have a problem with the people who brag about all that they have been doing for their children and all the sacrifices they have made, for I strongly feel it is vice versa. Instead, we are blessed to have our little angels in our lives and should be absolutely grateful to the Almighty for conferring them to us. It's absolutely our discretion how we choose to raise them with no particular way being right or wrong and no one in this universe has the right to judge us.

In my case, it  was entirely my decision to become a SAHM when my little sonny turned two for I realised my twenty-days-a-month travel based job left me with little room to give him the right kind of foundation. He was grasping too quick and mostly spoke in a crude Haryanvi dialect his nanny conversed in. 

My assignment then was my dream job so I took a while to decide but once I did I was quite sure of what I am doing. We had decided to bear the child, so we must rear him perfectly too and with no family support, it was either of us who had to do it... 

...and earnestly speaking, I am glad that I did it for I wanted to spend these precious years with him as much as he probably needed his mom and though a thorough rollercoaster our journey so far has been too beautiful and precious. I love being too absorbed in giving him strong wings to take a flight of his choice in his future and with the husband giving him all the love and the time he craved for most when I was miserably juggling between mommyhood and my job.

For all the time that's left, I have my wonderful blog to stimulate my intellect and make me a part of the brilliant blogging community who have now become my second family. Thus barring a few routine hiccups, actually 
I have every reason to be happy and content, but unfortunately, how I wished things could have been this simple. 

There is a hurting void in my heart which I can't explain in words, which keeps on re-visiting me for no reason. It grips me hard, makes me loose interest in everything and become extremely irritable. On those days, I just feel very fatigued and sick and give up everything even including writing which is my life and soul. I find it difficult to hit back and cry multiple times a day. It feels very empty and meaningless within. I try avoiding people or any social interaction and this was precisely the reason I had to pull out of the coveted WTFOW this year but could not explain anyone the reason so I tried to veil it under my lethargy. It may have stemmed up  from doing a corporate job for 22 hours a day for over a decade across multiple countries to staying at home and often getting caught of in the mundane traps , I have completed the whole gamut of roles but I am not sure if this is the cause.

It may as well be a need for self validation as the kiddo is growing up. Surprisingly, my chronic fibroid pain also peaks about this time. I tried speaking to S but in all probability could not explain myself for he felt only I can help myself in this, which by the grace of my lord I do after a few days.

I don't know how but every time when the pain of the void becomes unbearable, it becomes my inspiration and makes me strike back harder and better for the time just passed has made me contemplate and evaluate a lot of things on my plate. The plot of my recent book 'The Fragrance of True Love' occurred to me during one of these spells. Currently I am bearing one such void again but am convinced to believe this too shall pass. And until I defeat this void completely, I shall call it my void of inspiration which urges me each time to fill it by doing something better and bigger.


Linking this post #MondayMusings on EverydayGyaan.com


Sunday, 13 August 2017

If you Perceive Me to be an Emotionless Hard Rock, No I am Not (Food For Thought Series Vol-10)

Indian Bloggers



I shun it away
But an emptiness engulfs me

I shoo the void 
But it leaves me feeling more deprived

I yearn to fight
As a lonely tear drops down my eye in the middle of night 

What am I searching for 
When I am abandoned by my own silhouette

You can call me a paranoid but despite being the youngest of the four siblings, my plate has always been full of responsibilities and though I don't know how good and bad I am at them, I have given my life, my heart and soul to them.

I am a girl all of 28 and no I am not here to chant my grievances but to paint the picture of my side for I am so tired of being judged. My middle class childhood was fun and though my dream to become a doctor was muffled amidst the financial crisis as my parents choose to marry off we three sisters in due course and educate our only brother to become a doctor. 

No complaints there, that's how it mostly was in the semi-urban households and I was elated to complete my post graduation with flying colours and took up a decent job in NCR where also my brother practiced successfully and stayed with his wife and toddler. My two elder sisters were already married and I was the youngest and the most pampered one remaining when destiny struck and my only brother was murdered brutally by the petrified relatives of a patient whose life could not be saved, right in front of my eyes. I yelled and screamed with tears blinding me as something inside me died forever that day, perhaps my faith in Almighty.

Recalling those moments still sends shivers down my spine where I ran from pillar to post in the hope that my brother could be saved but such was the mob they took him away for no fault of his. My parents couldn't bear the shock and our beautiful nest got tattered indiscriminately that night and life has not been the same for anyone of us after that. I took my family's responsibilities on my shoulder and though I could not be their lost son but I yearned day in and day out to get them out of their pain. Their silent love and support kept me steady on my path.

Some years later giving in to elders' insistence, I tied knot with a wonderful human being who didn't have his family and thus he warmly welcomed mine like his own, into our home sweet home. Thus my parents started living with us as they were old and sick and needed rigorous medical attention which wasn't there in our hometown. My husband loved me a lot and I was overwhelmed by his goodness, after a long long time, I felt life is beautiful. He supported me the best he could and had his own take on the way life has treated him. Soon we were blessed with our little bundle of joy, our tiny munchkin.

Motherhood was precious and it increased my responsibility further along with my job and ailing parents. Rarely did I get any time for myself or the poor spouse. I knew it but was trapped in vicious circle of life. The husband has started to stay quiet and I have safely assumed that he probably was giving me space in my overworked routine. Dad was by this time in and out of the hospital for his severe lung infection and since mom could not walk due to her severe artharitis, I had to manage it all until one day I lost dad too. Another piece of my heart broke that day as my dad, my hero rested in peace but I didn't shed a single tear and performed all the rituals like a rock. 

Amidst all this I didn't realize, my man, whom I had unknowingly ignored and who had only me in the name of family, has gradually sunk into irreversible depression. Another bout of repentance embraced me for I had failed as a wife to fulfil my duties. He soon lost his high profile MNC job and is still under heavy anti-depressants. Though cyclically out of his depressive spells and trying to focus in his new job, his body and mind often gives in under the medication with possibly several side effects. Thus the financial onus of our household is now entirely on me and I now try to seek work even on Sundays for some extra income. 

Mom's health has further deteriorated and she tries her best to manage our little son but the inability to walk restricts her majorly. My sisters who live far away, can only remotely help. I am still running insanely whole day trying my best to fulfil all my responsibilities to the tee but I know I am not able to and I deeply worry if the next neglected soul is going to my little sonny who is growing up silently in some corner of our house.

Earnestly I know it all but don't know how to escape the turmoil I am in. People by now perceive me to be an emotionless hard rock who barely smiles or emotes, but the fact is I am not. It's just that I am overtly stressed and messed up to do good for everyone which too unfortunately I am unable to do.It hurts me deep within beyond repair. I wanna yell on top of my voice and say I need love, care and warmth, too, to fuel my engine to run our world but whom should I say it to. I really don't know where and when did I go wrong? 

So I put it out to you world, please give me an answer and show me the way ahead...Please help me.

This is a true story of a wonderful human being (whose voice we felt compelled to share on Truly Yours Roma) who is seeking an answer, request you to share what would you have done in such a situation.





Have you read our earlier True Tales in the #FoodforThought series? Find them here:




        what course must Radhika Take?


Friday, 11 August 2017

Letting Go and Living With Memories

Indian Bloggers

My Precious Friends and Readers, I am overtly delighted today to host a guest post from an eminent writer and a very dear friend Purba Chakraborty on Truly Yours Roma. We are connected through our words which ooze out straight from our hearts and oh my what a topic she chose ~ Memories. Here's what she has to say...
                                              
                                




“It’s the first Sunday of August. She looks outside the window, inhaling the petrichor and savoring the symphony of rain. From far away, the song “Phir le Aya Dil” can be heard interweaved with the drizzling sound. She feels a pull at the tug of her heart, as if someone is luring her to drown in the sea of memories. She tries to resist and distract her mind with work deadlines. She starts counting one to ten. Yet, a drop of tear escapes her eyes as she gives in to the pull.”
Memories can be perceived as a treasure or torture, depending on the way we see it. The best thing about memories is that we have the entire right to them, even if the person who pictures in the memory doesn’t feel the same way for us. Memories don’t change. Just like wine, they get better as we preserve them.

As beautiful and unconditional our relationship can be with memories, the same cannot be often said about the person who features in them. More than once in life, we have to let go of someone with whom we have weaved the most beautiful memories of life. Letting go is an art of life, which is necessary for our well being and sanity.

Here are some instances when it is better to let go and live with memories:

·         You are with the person and yet you constantly think of past memories, reminiscing how things were beautiful once upon a time. It is a clear indication that the relationship is dead and all that remains are crystallized memories.


·         Sometimes, we love the connection we have with someone more than the person. A slight change in the person’s behavior makes us feel restless and sad. In such a case, it is better to be happy with the good memories that we have created with the person.


·         Change is the only constant. Human beings often outgrow each other. If the person changes to a huge degree and we cannot tune in with his/her change, it’s better to let go than complaining. Sometimes, when we grow in life, we also tend to grow apart.


·         Your feelings are not reciprocated in the way you had wished. Instead of compelling the person to feel the same for you, it’s better to let go and live with the memories. You have complete right to your feelings and memories; not even a slightest bit on someone else’s feelings.

If a person cheats you or treats you badly, there is no question of preserving their memories. Just like we delete the not-so-good pictures from our gallery, we should do the same for the memories in our heart. A detox is needed from time to time. The purpose of memories is to make us feel better and give us strength. And when the separation is because of death, the only thing that remains with us is memories that even God cannot steal. This shows the power of memories. The best memories stay unaffected, even in calamities and death.

In my latest novel, “Canvas of a mind”, there is a quote on memories. Although it is a psychological mystery novel, it also delves into interpersonal relationships.
**********A Guest Post By Purba Chakraborty on Truly Yours Roma***********

We Wish Purba a mega success of her latest book, 'Canvas Of A Mind'! I am loving it, watch out this space for the review of the same, coming up shortly.

Thursday, 10 August 2017

Flaunt Your Euphoria : Shine and Gleam and Enhance Your Sheen 

Indian Bloggers

Hola Lovelies! Today on Truly Yours Roma I have for you a post in my beauty segment...

I literally love to glitter on all occasions and thus though I have a well laid regime to keep my skin naturally healthy and glowing(we'll get to it some other day), I meticulously choose the makeup I wear, which necessarily does not interfere with my skin composition and lustre. Until and unless it is a very special ceremony where I like the shimmery enhanced makeup matching up subtly to my outfit, I like to keep my make up natural with the following must haves  which I find indispensable for a party and sometimes otherwise too. All of these are readily available on all the leading Online Shopping Portals but my experience says order it from more reliable ones like Myntra as almost all of these products come with an expiry and so the fresher piece you get the better.

1. Foundation: While I love to wear my confidence, I feel I enhance the same by giving my skin a finer and fairer even tone with applying foundation made for my complexion. This enables the makeup to not look a tad heaped on a different skin tone in a mismatched manner. Lately,  I have started using honey based foundation and I really feel it is as a product will bring renaissance in the cosmetic industry for it leaves my sensitive skin so soft and supple. 


2. Compact: I use a matte finish compact over it to let my skin look flawlessly radiating. Two to three coats of the compact I believe makes it look natural on the skin and does not shine mischievously when one is out in sun. On a humid day, I prefer using compact without foundation to let it absorb the constantly oozing out droplets of sweat. A re-application in a couple hours saves me from the dull sweaty look.

3. Lipsticks/Lip Balms: A baby pink fruity flavoured lip balm is another absolute must have in my makeup kitty. I really feel beautiful pink smooth (not chapped) lips talk a great deal about a women's beauty. I am kind of  addicted to reapplying the delightfully fruity balms and love trying their different flavours. In lipsticks I stick to  matte red and bold pinks and their numerous shades for they kind of accentuate a girl's best asset which undisputedly is her smile.



4. Concealer: I use them to hide my under eye dark circles after a sleepless night as an author or some scars or blemishes and blend them gently into my natural skin tone. A concealer is quite helpful when a sudden pimple pops up or a stubborn burn  leaves its ugly mark behind. I use it rarely though but I ensure I always have one for an emergency and thus always order one more before the current one gets over.

5. Eye Liner/ Kohl: Eyes are a window to a woman's heart, thus how about making them look gorgeous. I beautify my eyes with an eye liner or kohl and some days they alone are my makeup coupled with a lip balm of course. It is always recommended to buy smudge free eye liners and Kajal pencils so that they don't get rubbed into black spots as the hours progress.

6. Blusher: Some days I just love to make my cheeks look crimson and pink like a blushing bride and those are the days I resort to my Blusher though I don't go overboard with it. Just a gentle rub here and there and it's done. It looks awesome when you are dressed in a multi-colour girly attire or when you wish to highlight a  subdued office look in all browns.

7. Moisturiser: Now this is the most Vital of them all as it is the base for everything. I use it in heaps to remove makeup and then reapply it every time  I wash or cleanse my face. It keeps my skin hydrated and keeps its tenderness alive. It's generous application makes me feel soft and huggable at all times. I generally love using baby moisturisers for I love their mild babyish Fragrance.

Do this is all that spells makeup for me girls and I use a particular product only after I have fully researched of its authenticity and genuineness. Can't play with my skin right. A perfect makeup ordered from a perfect online shopping destination makes me flaunt my confidence and euphoria multi fold as I shine and gleam and don my sheen.


Sunday, 30 July 2017

Watch Out For That Jealous Black-hearted Near and Dear One...

Indian Bloggers

The bitter truth of life is the more good you do to people, more are the chances of you being used and unfortunately many a times you will be oblivious of the fact that you are being used because the perpetrator will be a near and dear one(this phrase is actually a misnomer) whom you would trust blindly. Painfully you will come to know about it after you have been duped and trapped and left gasping for breath in a tight situation. These people may often appear as submissive and weak and you won't have a slightest inkling of the kind of plan they will be brewing in their hearts. I have even gone to the extent of having pity on one such person and out of pity helping him/her but all he/she did was passing her monkey on my back. It isn't that you almost always aren't wise but you are humane that they silently backstab you and your goodness fails you again to give it a fight. 

There's another set of these near and dear ones who ironically stay far and are quite well to do but are so jealous or it's probably their inherent black heart that they will keep making vehement attempts to ruin your happiness and success in whichever way they can and never leave a single stone unturned to cause you harm. But again if you are good, you will bear it hoping that this will make them improve some day and you owe them this support in good blood. Also, most often than not you won't be able to judge their moves as you love them dearly. But the fact is despite of sometimes making crazy money their lives perhaps lack the sparks and they just can't bear any one else having what they don't. They will call at hours when they know will be your personal moments and will try and seek more information with an intention to malice your plans with well thought of logics. There are as many men doing this as women so I can't say if the behaviour is gender-skewed.

The two above categories are often hidden players and leave you aghast with their betrayal and I am ashamed to admit that I have met and have been deceived by both of the above kinds and the worst part is people like me always fall in the trap. That's why I say emotional fools are forever meant to be fooled.

So does that mean we should stop being good or stop posting happy pictures on social media to prevent these people from getting jealous. So precisely change ourselves for them but why? We sure can't do anything to change them either. Planning a tit for that is out of thought for again your goodness stands in the path. Maintaining distance is also not possible as they often are even your blood ties. For example I know this one person who is being used to the last drop of his blood but he says he does it all in the name of duties. So all that I could think of is watch out for that one jealous black hearted near and dear one. Try not to fall in his eye for good reasons and bring in balance in all your acts. If you can think of a better way to deal with these paranoids, please do share.

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Can A Clumsy Homemaker be a Perfect Wife??

Indian Bloggers

What happens when the man faces that the woman he fell irreversibly in love with for her academic and professional brilliance and which made her stand out of the rest, is quite a 180 degrees turn when it comes to home-making.

Last night the kitchen slab and sink crashed in front of my eyes and the poor husband was only worried if I was fine before engaging a guy to mend it today. 
Similarly a couple of months ago I burnt my face and right shoulder and arm by a exploding pressure cooker, by God's grace my life was spared but S is still calling up everyday after my cooking time to check if I am fine. I wonder why I am so clumsy in kitchen and what my man thinks about this(Phew!), he never says a word though and smiles. Ours is such a beautiful and meaningful relationship andthen there are these harrowing acts of mine.

I remember when we were newly weds how he used to cook for both of us and I did what I was rather am best at - loving him in all my special and unique ways. That time both of us went to work and cooking together was a romance time late evenings in our kitchen. He was(is) such a exceptional cook and I always helped him and hanged around his neck. No words were ever needed to make it evident that I had zero interest in cooking. I knew I am a disaster at it and thus was reluctant to even give it a try.

But as our little sonny grew up a little and I announced a sabbatical, I decided to cook myself for the two precious men in my life and you see the struggle continues to present day. I am such a misfit in the role no matter how hard I try, I have no aptitude for culinary skills and in general am a clumsy homemaker but I try it each day...am not the one who gives up so easily.

On the contrary,  if it's a matter of my kid's education and his skills or giving hubby a perfect advice in a stuck situation in his high profile corporate job, I nail them to perfection. Similarly, if it is a work outside the house everyone including my precious half always trusts me the most for they know no one would do it like I do. Neighbours and relatives flock me each day for their decisions related to their kids' future or any other vital one and I am glad they rely on me so much. But when it comes to kitchen and food, I become sheepishly absent-minded.

There are moments when I feel so sorry for not being able to find the stomach way to my man's heart as the old saying has it but the next moment I realize I already live in his heart. We are perfect partners, we love each other a lot and live life king size in each other's arms accepting each other the way we are. I somehow try to believe he doesn't find my clumsiness in household cores weird as he still cooks for me on the weekends and I still do what I am best at - love him like no one else. I take care of his tiniest need even before he can utter a word about it. I value and respect him as a person and stand like a wall behind all his decisions.

I can proudly say we have had some really awesome years of marriage so far barring my kitchen escapades and look forward to many more. But does being a clumsy homemaker prevents me from being a perfect wife??? What is your take on it, as a man or a woman?

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

How it Feels to be a Girl who was Thrown on a Garbage Dumb to where I have Reached Today 

Indian Bloggers

Today I am baring my soul and pouring out the secrets I have concealed in my hearts for what seems like eternity to me but it was important for me to speak this and finally I do summon all my courage to do so. These are some scars on my soul but which are ironically also my inspiration till present day and will not cease to be so until I perish. By writing this article I mean no offence to the people involved directly and indirectly, they are my family and though I have forgiven them long ago, this is also not to erode their respect, probably they would have been right in their judgement and in the social setup of their times.

I was born in a room in our ancestral home in a very small town of Uttar Pradesh without the aid of any doctor or a midwife. My mother did tell me how difficult it was for her when I grew up also because as her in-laws discovered I was a girl no one ever attended her and unfortunately this was the scenario in an educated well to do family. Next my grand mom who was a mother to six daughters herself wanted me to be abandoned on a nearby garbage dumb and wanted my dad to remarry as all possible dowry has been extracted from my mother's parents already. 

So this was how I was welcomed on this earth. When my dad came to know of all this he picked his tiny princess in his arms and his wife and bid good bye to his family promising himself to make his daughter the talk and envy of everyone in this very town. He named me Shweta and later Roma but that day he along with my mom wrote my fate and future by his very own hands and then never shied away from quoting and re-quoting it to me. I guess it was this promise of dad to himself that burnt like a fire in my heart. I was adamant to prove my worth.

Life was never a bed of roses for me as our beautiful nest broke and my parents couldn't get along together but I believed in the power of education and it gradually and eventually took me to my goals. In my final year of engineering I got my first job in Tata Motors and I had fallen in the feet of my parents for it was a result of their prayers and guidance and always considering me more than my brother, yes that's true.

Thanks to them I became a happy soul and had a successful career stint of about 10 years working in different parts of the globe India, Japan, Sweden, Thailand, Austria, Denmark etc and right when scaling professional heights became an addiction I gave it all up for my little angel who was growing up quietly without his mamma. I lost my mom around this period and I suddenly realised how important my presence will be for my child and I am so glad I chose to bring him up all by myself along with working from home.

But the fire in me still burnt alive and I knew I didn't wanna die unnoticed. I am God's chosen child and since I have been scribbling for almost eternity, I decided to become the voice of Indian Women through my blog because I didn't want more Roma's to be given birth in the anticipation of a boy and later chosen to be thrown on a garbage dumb...

Also because I didn't want more educated women like my mother continue to die an unnatural death some day and thus I wrote, wrote and wrote, all the stories mine, mom's , a neighbours' , a friend's, a stranger's everywhere possible on my blog, in newspapers, in awareness workshops, in magazines...I even started working with NGOs and got another new meaning of my life. 

And yes I didn't die unnoticed, working hard in my own small way and contributing to women empowerment wherever possible, I am still alive. Some years ago, Glenmark's VWoman Community noticed my work and I was awarded 'VWoman of the Year 2015' in Leela Palace in Mumbai, motivating me to work harder. This award brought me in touch with a lot of media guys who further aided me in my endeavours. After this, more and more Indian women and girls started writing to me and as I brought their true tales forth, my media friends actually helped in bringing respite to some of them and we continue our humble initiative - 'Face of Change'.

I also published an ebook on the life of 26 such Indian Women ~ Dare To Defy The Destiny which struck a chord with many and I was overwhelmed with the emails and messages I received for the same.

My second book this year ~ The Fragrance of True Love is also about a girl whose traumatic childhood always stands in the part of her glorious future.

Though I am happy, proud and content with whatever I am today, I know I have miles to go before I sleep....so that no more little angels are petrified before birth to enter this callous world.