Friday 14 January 2022

Embracing peace in life despite all odds



Today I am sharing a not so evident slice of my life. The person you see all smiles everywhere is actually battling her demons for the most part of the month. Many of you know that I suffer from fifth stage endometriosis which gives me excruciating physical pain and bleeding for most days in a month but what it also gives me is a lot of mental agony as it cripples my life completely. Trust me when I say this, it takes a real mettle for me to get back to life from that painful period as it leaves me drained and exhausted. I also turn irritable and cranky but that is a part of endo life, I barely am able to bear for the past thirteen years. Perhaps my threshold has gone for a toss over time. The irony is during  this period I am suppose to take extreme care of my health but instead I feel so helpless and weak that I stuff myself with whatever I get, anticipating it will help release happy hormones in my body. Painkillers too have stopped working on me plus I am always trying to avoid them for their side effects as they are useless any way. Have have already consumed more than one can in a lifetime and three major surgeries later I often feel I am losing the fight. 

I am also so done with this lonely battle because I am a total recluse, all I have is my husband as my best friend who gets upset when I am sick so I can’t tell him anything either though mostly I can’t hide. My child bears the brunt of all that I struggle with. I miss my mom who is in heaven and dad who is remarried. Little brother tries to pacify. I often cry wondering what should I do but despite 

 all this, I still get up every time, for my zeal for life is insatiable. I wonder from where comes the power which keeps me motivated to lie down in my quilt with a hot water bag and pen an article. It may be the love you all give me but honestly I don’t know. 

I loose myself in between but somehow by God’s grace always get back on track. Many of you may wonder why I am not replying or vanish suddenly, it is the period I sink and retrieve in my shell because I hate sharing my vulnerable side(lest someone thinks I am playing the victim card) but my blog is my breathing space and it must know the true me and so documenting this here today. Every time I feel like quitting, my Sai gives me the power to rise up again. His hints and love are phenomenal. Last few days again I have been unwell and feeling deeply morose and lonely not wanting to write anything and rejecting worthy opportunities to do what I love doing most grooming the youngsters. 

Reluctantly I opened my blog yesterday for I felt my blog baby would have felt neglected and my chance my eyes fell on the fact that I have completed 900 articles on my blog already and shall soon be crossing 1.5 million footfalls mark on my blog. This really warmed my heart and I experienced a big lift. I shared it with you all and love poured in from all directions. Feeling mentally stoked, I picked myself up and started editing my 7th book which will be releasing shortly. I really really love the way the universe supports me. I may be a motherless lonely child but also destiny’s favourite one to test and bless.

So I am happy today and perhaps gradually learning to embrace peace in my life despite all odds. Have no clue about tomorrow but I try to live one day at a time and it helps. This post is not a rant nor do I wish to gain some sympathy. I just am who I am and have to share my heart with you all. You can judge me, it doesn’t effect me any more as I have come far ahead of all these things in the past decade and a half. Does it really matter, what matters it how gracefully you put yourself back together.

Sharing below some motivation, if God forbid, you are in the same boat. These basic principles have aided me for a long long time.

Be crazily busy: Being busy is the best thing in the world. It doesn’t leave you with any time to feel any pain. So keep yourself busy deliberately and in the process of you can help someone it can’t get better. It helps you heal. I still recall when I took session for kids and women I always felt better after spending time with them. They gave me unparalleled joy.

Be your own best friend: It is good to have reliable friends, at least a couple, who are there in times of need but also try to make yourself your best friend and enjoy your own company while doing things that soothe your soul.

Stop running behind things and people: If you get desperate for someone or something it will evade you for the longest time so stop the chase, they may not be meant for you.

Focus on your goals: The most important thing that helps you sail through the most difficult situations is a bird eye focus on your realistic goals. If you have a reason to push yourself hard it works like magic to let you leave behind every adversity. This is difficult but possible with practice. I have been managing this way quite well. 

Do what you love doing the most: Soak yourself in your passion, I love writing. Right now I have an unbearable colicky Adenomyoma pain and have had a painkiller which is least effective but I just feel like writing all this out today, may be it would hurt less and honestly I am sure I will feel better soon. 

Sorry my loves, I bothered you all with this piece today. If I need to delete this from my blog do let me know and I shall do the needful. Sometimes you just need to pour your heart out…and to me strangers have always given the most love ❤️. I love you all thanks a lot for always lifting me up 🙂

1 comment:

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